"Try to focus on the positive things", you say. "To see what nice things are going on, to concentrate on what gives you pleasure."
I know it's hard to see someone's suffering. People don't want to see that, it's way too confrontational. But what's the use in focusing on the two hours of night I did get some sleep? The tea I drank that was just hot enough to hurt my throat, so at least it made me feel something more than the black hole within. Or the pets I'm clinging on to so I force myself to realise there's a little living creature depending on me, so I have a purpose to keep living.. What's the use of all that, when, while on that, deep inside I just feel the lingering desire to just die peacefully in my sleep?
People tell you to be honest, as long as the honesty fits inside their comfort zone. I'll be honest with you, brutally honest. Ready?
The harder I try to cling onto the things that used to make me happy, the more I realise how miserable I feel. Because that's how I'm feeling. Miserable. Or empty. There are times that I'm feeling genuinely okay. That I'm smiling, laughing even... Only to find myself curled up in bed crying later on, from the exhaustion and realisation that those moments only last a few minutes, maybe even half an hour... And then I feel like I want to die, and we're back to where I started.
So before telling me what to do, ask yourself why you want me to fit into your comfort zone so badly? If my depression makes you uncomfortable, here's a little secret: It makes me more uncomfortable than it makes you. But you have the choice to leave me. I don't. So please, PLEASE stop telling me what I should do, post on Facebook, tell or focus on. Accept me and my depression, so I can too.