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Take me back to the start

Take me back to the start

If I could turn back time.... Believe me, I would.

I look so happy. We all do, don't we? Nice jobs, great families, amazing friends,... What if I told you it's all an act?

We seem so happy and we say we love our lives and don't need others to feel great or have an amazing life, because other people hurt you and the only thing that matters is you and what you want. The truth is a little different...

The thing is, we fuck up. We blame others, but it's not them. In fact we need the others, but we are to stupid to realise untill we let them go. The shitty part is that they won't come back, because we told them to fuck of and we hurt them. Still we blame them and tell them and the others that they broke our heart and left us alone, that they didn't love us anymore... Or never even did. 

The truth is, they did. They loved us when we couldn't even love ourself and they were there for us. They hold us in their arms, listened when we needed to be heard, hugged us when we felt alone and misunderstood. They warmed us when we felt cold at night and even accepted the fact that we took all the blankets in our sleep. They agreed to watch silly movies with us, even though they didn't like them, just to see us smile. They gave us their last penny, there last breath if they needed to. They did all those little things from which we didn't realise had such a huge impact.

We threw them away because even after all those things, it wasn't enough. Not because they didn't love us, but because we didn't love ourself and we were to dumb, to selfisch to see how much we meant to them. We wouldn't believe them if they said we looked beautiful, we didn't listen to their stories about how shitty their day was, we didn't fucking warm them when they were cold! Because we were to busy complaining, crying, shouting, hurting them and pushing them away.

Now they're gone... It's cold at night, it's lonely and dark. The only one to blame for this darkness is you...

We see our faults, our mistakes and the love we feel for them. We feel how much we need them back. Not just to complain to them, use them... But to hold them, listen to them, share our lives with them and warm each other. To be together. 

I threw him away... I didn't just broke my own heart, I broke his heart to. I lost him forever... 

So I will wait for him, forever.


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