For the past 7 months my soul has been tormented by nightmares. Those nightmares make me scream in my sleep. They suffocate me and I spend all nights fighting and crying. Every morning the sheets on my bed are a mess and I feel exhausted. But there is no time to rest. I need to rush every day. In order to survive.
Mostly I do not remember why I am fighting at night. I do have some fragments in my head – all of them related to what happened a bit more than half a year ago. When I lost you. And then my home. My belongings. And with that, part of my own identity.
But tonight, after all the nightmares, I had a dream. A dream which I remember quite clearly. What started as a nightmare (for some reason I found myself in an overcrowded city centre) suddenly became a dream from the moment you were there. You simply appeared. From the moment I saw you, I fell in love with you again (like I always do when I see you). You were sitting on a chair and putting on your soccer shoes. I wanted to watch you playing the game. But instead you took me apart, away from the crowd. We were standing next to a grass field. There you asked how I was doing. I told you that I lived alone. That it was really hard. But that I managed. You did not reply. But you put your left arm around my waist and pressed me against your body. We were standing there together in silence. Looking at the crowd and the grass. Even without words I felt your support. As if you wanted to let me feel that « One day, everything will be fine ». We were standing there together in silence. Until my alarm went off.