It was already clear at the beginning of this year that reintegration was no longer an option for the employer. Company doctor called to indicate that the employer will take advantage of the 2-year term illness and fire me. Sour? Yes, sour. I was already working my contractures, but not on paper yet.
Of course, I understand my employer. They renewed my contract twice. The first time I was still completely ill, the second time I worked almost on contractures except for 2 hours. Somewhere the 'party' ends. I am extremely grateful to my employer.
That gratitude was expressed by going back to work immediately after my surgery in February last year. I was still on immunotherapy when I started working. But my employer gave me a rest by not firing me, so I gave my employer my commitment.
In retrospect, of course, I completely ignored my processing. Go, work and get back to your life. But, as a rule, that's not how it works. With company doctors, by the way. Had asked for time to take a break from those past months, but that's not what they're for or anything. My supervisor did give that time.
But it was too short. Afterwards, huh. I also wanted to work! and don't blame anyone for missing out on any emotion or processing.
But now, after the 2nd diagnosis, I've hit the brakes hard. I can still smell the rubber on the tires.
And my company doctor (and supervisor) understood me. I have now built up good contact with BA, and she took care of me and I for the employer. But I didn't choose myself !
And that's what I really wanted after that 2nd atomic bomb diagnosis. Turning my life around. It 'had' to be different than after the first time. It also bubbled inside me. Different, better and on the way to healing the Body, Soul and Spirit.
I've been leaving that behind for years. Simply because I didn't have the energy to delve into myself. I, who was always spiritual and always working on my personal development, had left it all behind. Not entirely, but for a large part.
And now that I have the time, I'm going to immerse myself in it again. Gut, how I missed it.

And then came Easter 2023 (April 9)
I just call it my own resurrection. What a wonderful, insightful Easter.

The surgery is now behind me, as are the decisions about the treatments. But it was still alive in my head. My body indicated its disability and my brain was still busy making decisions.
Like every day these days, I read something on the internet or in a book and come across the following text. Like it wanted to tell me that I made a good decision to live now. And I felt so supported.

Question:
What is the biggest mistake you can make in your life?
Buddha replies:
The biggest mistake is that you think you have time.
Time is free, but it's priceless
You don't own it, but you can use it
You can't keep it, but you can spend it
And once the time is up
Will you never get it back!

My day couldn't break. But it went on that day with great insights.

I was only really going to live
when I traded HOPE for TRUST
(and LOVE for myself, I added myself)
Johan Rinsma

I walk out into the garden a little later and find a self-made stone with the word Trust. Long forgotten that I made that stone. After jaaaaaaa

That was quite enlightening that Easter Monday. But I wouldn't be done with Easter yet. And not Easter with me yet.

On Easter Monday, a friend sends me a huge epistle about cancer. A very interesting article about healing differently. Thinking differently about cancer. I read it on Easter Monday. Man man man. Nothing is a coincidence. Really nothing.
I woke up on Easter Monday and why. but I looked at the books I had kept from my mother about alternative medicine. I also sent the article to Nynke and she responded, it looks like Germanic medicine. She had brought this to my attention before, but I hadn't gotten around to delving into it yet.


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