#schrijven #emoties #gevoelensuiten When I'm rewriting my old story, I feel how much I wanted to write certain things. Perfect friendships, fun hostile characters and a nice head character that I've been fond of for a long time.

Still now. I started rewriting the story after 5 years. I was 13 when I made it, but you'll understand that a lot of things changed in your vocabulary. I'm not completely rewriting the story, but I've given the characters a different name and age.

They sometimes have a different personality, and I have put it in a more credible way. There were a lot of unexplained things in it that don't really happen without it being explained. So very confusing. I see a lot of other things when I read it back and write a chapter.

The main character has the struggles and pain that I could not express well at the time. Also, I never knew I expressed it on a story. I feel the strength and commitment I've put into my life and the anger behind it. The anger of no result or barely. Pain that I couldn't or did nowhere because I thought it was better for myself. I've certainly made choices in those years that I would have solved differently now. I barely talked to people. How I felt was a sign of weakness. I pretended that I was always happy and couldn't live better when I really hated it.

I was there for everyone, but she wasn't there for me. The day I got through to do things under my compulsion, which was not the right way either. There were plenty of things I couldn't tell anyone, and I didn't. My head was packed and everything came out in anger. It is written so clearly in the story that I need time for myself and to learn and do what I wanted. At that time, I didn't have a place either.

Everywhere I was there were others. Nowhere a moment for myself. Now that I'm rewriting this, I'm trying to put the same pain in it for myself. I can still feel it. But also make it better. The story I made then is now more extensive, clearer and much better put together. But it is strange to feel back what I experienced then