Another thing: people who are in a coma do not talk in their sleep. You should also check this out. Also a few lists, which can be worded differently. Sorry, I'm looking at it with an editorial eye.
@Martine77 regarding the part of the coma, I can't participate in the feedback. Nowhere is it about Anne being in a coma. It has been described that she talked in her sleep, something that does happen.
@vanrupstotvlinder here it sounds like she woke up from a coma and doesn't remember anything and spoke in the hospital in her sleep, i.e. in that coma. Could it be that it was at home and that her parents heard it?.
@Martine77 I honestly don't know where it's like she's waking up from a coma. I don't write a time or anything about how long she slept, so I would give a possibility that she was in a coma, so the story is wrong. So, honestly, I find this feedback very vague.
Starts exciting. I do have a few comments. You're already giving a little too much information about a dangerous friendship. Leave the reader in the dark a bit. Start at ground zero. A lot has also been written repeatedly and a lot of “not”, something I rec... Show moreStarts exciting. I do have a few comments. You're already giving a little too much information about a dangerous friendship. Leave the reader in the dark a bit. Start at ground zero. A lot has also been written repeatedly and a lot of “not”, something I recognize from my own work. I would still review and rewrite certain pieces. You can also just call that father, mother and brother by name. These are just a few tips to make it a book worth publishing.
@Martine77 how would you write this piece? Why not let the dangerous friendship lie dormant? It is not yet known, I think, what kind of dangerous friendship is involved. That whole part has already been removed. First, all the information was given away.... Show more@Martine77 how would you write this piece? Why not let the dangerous friendship lie dormant? It is not yet known, I think, what kind of dangerous friendship is involved. That whole part has already been removed. First, all the information was given away. At that time, it was already stated in this piece that it was a lover boy. So end of story immediately.
What a poignant start to this story! I definitely want to read more of this!
It also comes at a special time. Just this morning, I told my new director about my accident and hospital experience. I think that's why it comes in deeper than average.
It also comes at a special time. Just this morning, I told my new director about my accident and hospital experience. I think that's why it comes in deeper than average.