Anatomy of a relationship

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#inarelation  
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#itscomplicated
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There is no better feeling in this world than to be in love. The world takes on a rosy hue when the oxytocin hormones course through the veins, as your beloved partner’s every quirk makes your heart happy.

But to be in love means to be in a relationship. You enter a relationship with your beloved, where the two of you build a future together and dream happy dreams of spending your lives with each other.

However, they do not know when possible disruptions can erupt in their little nest.

Being in a relationship means hard work. It is not enough to say that two people love each other. A relationship requires understanding, compromises, and respect for each other.

An imbalance in any of these factors would lead to dissatisfaction in the hearts of either of the partners.

When two people fall in love, they go through a ‘Honeymoon Phase’, a period where realities of life have not hit them yet. Both partners find themselves much more willing to forgive, let go of misgivings, and generally, be more ‘loving’ toward each other.

It is when the Honeymoon Phase ends that the pink blindfolds that bind the eyes to come off. The quirks which were once adored start to prick.

Couples begin to find faults with each other and try to change their partners to be more 'suited' to their ways. And as life gets in the way, love falls apart.

But that is what is important – in a relationship, nobody should try to change the other.

A relationship is beautiful because the partners are so different. It is in the small ways in which they differ that they complement each other so well.

The man may be good at spontaneous trips, the woman may be a perfect planner. Together, they would make a spontaneous trip get successfully executed.

Isn’t that why people fall in love? Because they find those tiny things in their partner that are missing in their own lives?

As we have said, relationships mean hard work. Love is the base, the foundation upon which a relationship is built. But understanding each other, and being supportive of one another’s dreams, is what cements that foundation.

Respect and compromises form the scaffolding for the many pillars that the happy couple would build their lives.

A relationship needs:

1.    Understanding, where there are not only demands but also acquiescence. If a partner is unable to stick to a commitment for reasons out of their hands, to understand and forgive. If a beloved feels upset, to understand and be there for them. If your love is lonely, make time for them.

2.    Respect, where there is no space for sexism. Where there is respect for each other's dreams and loving support so your beloved does not feel alone. Respect, so that each partner feels secure to share their secrets and plans with you.

3.    Compromise, where sometimes you have to let go of your ego, or your plans, because something else means much more to your partner. The trick is to compromise without letting go of your self-respect.

It is not that hard to make a relationship work if you love your partner. After all, as the saying goes, Love Conquers All. And with both of you doing the right things, it is not difficult to check if your relationship is on track.

How can you do that?

A healthy relationship has a few tell-tale elements. Lacking either of these may result in toxicity. For people who want to make the relationship work, there is no room for the ‘T word’.

That said, let us look at the signs of a healthy relationship.

1.    Transparency

Good or bad, partners should be able to share everything that is going on. Fear amongst couples is a huge red flag in any relationship. Communication is key and unless you’re open and honest with your beloved, the duration of your relationship is short-lived.

Love may be the driving force but it is honesty and healthy communication that keep the relationship going. Remember, communication is a two-way street. It is not the same when only one of you is putting in the effort. You should be willing to communicate openly with your partner and vice-versa. This is the only way to spot differences and work through them.

2.    Equality and Encouragement

As mentioned earlier, respect is the keystone of a successful relationship. Do not treat your significant other as property but as an individual with their separate set of beliefs and goals.

The basic wants and goals are similar-wanting children, leading a certain lifestyle, or a similar cultural front. If any of these values or goals are compromised the relationship will crumble sooner than later.  

One more takeaway is being willing to give as you are to take. After all, a relationship is all about compromises. Sometimes, one of the partners may be going through a rough patch. During such times, it is essential the other one sticks with them to encourage and support them.

Weathering through these tough times together helps you grow together as a couple. If you expect them to put things on hold for you, be willing to do the same for them.

3.    Consideration

The final aspect to make a relationship work is to be considerate of their feelings as well. You are separate entities born to lead individual lives. Make sure you are both able to maintain your unique identities.

Being with the person you love must not make you feel lost in the process.

The constant urge to change the other person into someone they are not isn’t ideal. It may cause a lot of friction in the relationship, eventually causing the initial spark to wear off.

Trust one another, be patient, treat them fairly, and most importantly communicate. The solution for our relationship problems is sometimes right in front of us and only requires clear communication.

However, know that not all relationships are meant to last forever.

Notice the shortcomings before you get too emotionally invested in them.

When to call it quits?

If your relationship has started to weigh you down and communicating isn’t helping, it may be time to end things.

Partners invested in the relationship wanting to give each other another chance can get help from a counselor. But if your relationship is abusive or toxic, leave before things get messier.