Twice a year Robin and I have a special day, twice a year my question to Robin sounds what will we do with...
A birthday to celebrate.
Early March, or actually the end of February, I have to start thinking about what I want with my husband's birthday. From Robin's father. I don't want to let this pass because our son has a right to know when his father's birthday was. He also has the right to celebrate this day a little. It doesn't have to be extended for me, but I want to pay attention to it as long as Robin wants it. That also applies to Father's Day.
What shall we do?
Just before his father's birthday, I asked Robin if he wanted to make a present for Daddy again. I think it's a little too much of the good to buy a regular gift but making something for dad is a nice idea. We'll go to the store together and we'll see what would be fun. This time he chose something he wanted to decorate. Robin chose both parts. The thing he wanted to decorate and the decoration. He was very clear in this and that was pretty nice to see. He also walked to the checkout to report that he had to pee. (literally) I was surprised and surprised by this. I took this opportunity to tell you that the question was really different. You're supposed to ask if you can go to the bathroom. But at the back of that, I said that I thought it was very good that he called it in. Well, Robin, so we went to the bathroom and we could get on with our plan.
You can get dirty.
So Robin was allowed to go tinkering. Then I have to prepare this properly so that not everything gets dirty. Including ourselves. His socks go off and I put on my plastic shoes and I make sure the shower is passable. For some projects or challenges I prefer to go to a place where he can fully enjoy himself and where I can easily clean it. The shower is ideal for that. If Robin is completely dirty, he can immediately take the shower without getting dirty where I can hardly clean it. This is just much more fun and cozy to do so. Robin can really enjoy himself, and I'll see if it's okay. I mean, if he can't get himself so dirty without being clean anymore. For example, I do not want to have to wash wallpaper glue from his hair.
With balloons and garlands.
Now the birth day of my husband was not quite easy so we celebrated it on another day. This of course I consulted with Robin and he thought it was a good plan. We packed the gift for Daddy, and Robin was allowed to unpack it the day we were celebrating. Robin also had the request to hang garlands and balloons. So I did. Of course, the balloons had to be snapped. No problem. No problem. But then I found out I had no balloons left. So I decided we'd buy it together. Robin thought that was a good idea. So so to speak, not so done.
the shopping paradise.
I hear you thinking, isn't the proverb different? Yeah, that's right, but shopping with Robin never goes fast. So neither is it now. Robin always wants to look at a lot of things. toys here, a soft fluff pen there and so on. If you can also go into the toy store and spend hours looking around 100 of the same things and seeing those 50x in a row. Okay, maybe that's a little exaggerated, but still. When I have to go to checkout I have to keep Robin with me because otherwise he has walked 10x half the store again. Either looking attentively, or enthusiastically screaming and running. Then you hear me call a couple of times a whole hearth “ROOBIIINNN!!!! COME HERE! Well, then you know. But well the balloons we had and went somewhere to drink and then home. Blow up balloons.
A party includes fries and cheese souffles. So also that prepared and we have eaten nice. I did notice that this day again affects Robin's behavior. He is a bit more stubborn and brutal than usual. It's not nothing that you're celebrating Daddy's birthday, but daddy isn't there. I have a suspicion that Robin hopes that Daddy would be home on his own birthday, too. Robin said Daddy was in the hospital. At times like this, I can't get it over my heart to show him the photobook of the funeral and how he said goodbye to Dad. In the course of the days or weeks, Robin knows that Daddy is dead and that Daddy will never come home.
so many times after...
I also notice that I have so much further than just after my husband's death. It's been 3x Christmas, 3x old and new, 3x his birth day, 2x Robin's birthday and mine's birthday, 2x the day we signed our cohabitation contract and all that stuff. It's been a long time since he last came in and a long time since I saw his smile. I am used to it now. Also, I'm used to raising Robin alone. I will have to act against that boy of mine because he can lead me with his sweet eyes and hugs when he has done something that is not allowed. Mom is often strict, so to speak. But I have to because there is no one who speaks to him about his behaviour or his big mouths towards me, so I will really have to deal with that myself. Not that I'm complaining about that, absolutely not. It's hard sometimes that's true, but I'll do it.
Of course there are also the sweet and fun moments. Robin is very good at hugging and oh what do I recognize his father in his behavior and in his face. Then it's hard not to laugh or melt when he does something that's not allowed to do. But that doesn't happen until later. The hugs I get are so irresistible, and the things he says are sweet too. How often I do not hear “Mom, I love you”... I'm gonna make it to raise him on my own. Well, I don't do it on my own, of course. Robin goes to the NSO and I get support. Sometimes my parents come to give a hand or we go to them for a weekend and then I have my hands free. I really hope there will come a time when I can leave him at home for half an hour without fear that he will walk in 10 locks at a time.