“Dear all know-how

Silvia

· 21 Mar 2021

“Dear all know-how

#pregnancy At this very moment your due date is approaching and you're super focused on a lot of unimportant things. I wish you knew that nothing you care about matters. What you need to do now is go to sleep until the baby arrives. This could be your last chance to sleep for a few hours straight for the rest of your life..

What do you say? That you're not sleeping well because pregnancy makes you feel uncomfortable? Think about it again, my friend.. Soon you'll be awake at 3 in the morning in a baby vomit pool, not wanting to move a muscle for fear of waking up to your precious bultito that “only sleep if you hug it”.

While we're talking about the useless (never better said) crap that is obsessing you, it looks like you're spinning around the possibility of you poop on the table during childbirth. Well do you know what? When the time comes, you don't care if your stool gets to the ceiling as long as they take that baby out at once, faster than a teenager takes to download the last catalogue.

Oh, what about that book you're reading about natural births? You want to stop wasting time with him and take a copy of “What the hell I do with this baby”? Because once you're in labor, you'll stop at 3 centimeters and beg for the epidural while they take you to the hospital. Besides, childbirth is only one day, and the baby will be there s-i-e-m-p-r-e. It would be better if you spent your time learning something about parenting instead of practicing breathing techniques that won't help you at all.. Although they may help you for your first bowel movement after childbirth.

Moving on to another topic, it seems that you have a lot of opinions about parenting right now, but you'll quickly realize that you have no idea what you're doing, which reminds me that I should warn you about how screwed karma is. For all the value judgments you make now about other people's parenting techniques will sentence you to a life of motherly thoughts full of guilt. So, keep judging your friend that she leaves her kids in kindergarten for an extra hour so she can buy or cook alone. In just a couple of months you will find yourself wishing the nursery was open on weekends too.. And that woman you saw at the supermarket in the frozen area whose nipples were pointing in different directions? Great the way you criticized her with your husband.

So you better eat that extra portion of cheesecake now that you're still delirious. You think you're all belly, but everything goes straight to your butt. And, by the way, you won't be one of those lucky women who lose weight when breastfeeding. You will be the mother whose children come to school every day without their folders, with their clothes poorly on and even with a little food on your face, while you wear a dress that your grandmother wouldn't wear. Those memories of taking a shower every day will seem as magical as monkeys coming out of your ass and serving you mojitos while you're on the white sands.Soon, going to the dentist will be the most relaxing thing you'll have time for.. You'll see.

Once the baby is born, between caring for him, the new discovery of how useless your husband can be and your postpartum hormones, you will feel so overtaken that you will start taking contraceptives as if they were candy to make sure you won't have a second child. However, one night after a wine, you'll feel crazy enough to do it again.

There is only one thing that will make it possible for you to survive stretch marks, vomiting spots and depression that generates your flabby vagina postpartum: love, which at this very moment, you still do not realize that exists.

So hold on to your mom's jeans and try not to wet them while you still have a certain level of bladder control: the journey starts now. Stop being a review and start supporting other moms. You're going to need them once you realize that you have no fucking idea what you're doing..

With affection,

Me.

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ELINA RICKURA

4 years ago

Buena conversación contigo misma y aunque la sudas invadan pies ciertamente todo se olvida luego que tienes el bebé en tus brazos y empieza una nueva etapa de aprendizaje como mamá. Suerte y miles de bendiciones