Ik zit nerveus op m'n stoel heen en weer te schuiven.. heb ik wel de tijd om dit te doen? Hoe gaat hij reageren als hij ziet dat ik aan het schrijven ben... Ik kan het me zo inbeelden. Wat ben je nu weer aan het zeggen over mij? Met wie ben je aan het praten? Zitten ze weer in je kop? Heb je de aandacht nodig?

Ik neem het risico. Hij slaapt nog. Denk ik...

Ik zelf heb bijna niet geslapen deze nacht, alhoewel ik hele dagen doodmoe loop. Maar da's ook niet dezelfde moeheid. Mijn lichaam is niet moe, mijn hoofd is moe, op, kapot. Vaag kan ik me nog herinneren hoe het vroeger was, hoe ik me sterk maakte door even in de spiegel te kijken en mezelf de moed in te spreken. We gaan er voor, we kunnen het!

Dat lukt nu niet meer. Ik herken mezelf niet meer, .. naar me staart een vreemde vrouw, ogen gezwollen, ongeschminkt, onverzorgd bijna, verdrietig, en oud geworden, .. hoe kan een mens zo oud worden op één jaar tijd? Ze ziet er uit alsof ze geen reden meer heeft om verder te gaan, geen reden om te vechten of zelfs te proberen. Ik stop met kijken, zou liefst alle spiegels doen verdwijnen zodat ik er niet aan herinnerd word. M'n binnenkant is naar buiten gekomen, je ziet het van ver, ik kan het niet meer wegsteken. Er moet iets veranderen.

Straks komen de kinderen. Dan weet ik het weer. Dan weet ik weer waarom ik verder ga, waarom ik niet kan opgeven. Voor hen moet en zal ik vechten. Vreemd hoe je je altijd-roze-bril zo kan verliezen. Hoe je je ineens in de donkerte bevindt, zonder enig idee hoe je je weg terug kan vinden. Zal de zon ooit weer zal schijnen?

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24 comments
different.but.normalx
Written so very strong ❤️ I feel your pain and your fighting spirit at the same time. Put it on!
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willbelysy
I hope the author of this story has been able to overcome each of the distractors who did not let her live as it should be.
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Rudi
I think this is a bit heavy if this is a true experience of its own. It's very well written. I hope that, in the meantime, if this is your own experience, you've found all the sun back in your life.
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Just me
@Rudi luckily the sun is returning. A little bit more every day.
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Toto Animo
Depressions are heavy. I hope you'll get back on top soon.
But on top you definitely come.
We've all noticed that in our lives. Life isn't always easy. It's a battle
Lots of strength!
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Freli
It is a very strong topic the truth, that point where you feel that you lose control and that the pain takes over you as if something inside you is broken, even so from the pieces of you can rebuild the broken mirror.
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Zulaine Díaz
Try to overcome all the obtacles and entrust yourself to god ask him a lot with faith, and he will help you solve all your problems
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MAGALY
We've all had some hard times, but you never have to give up and especially when you have great motivators (your kids).
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Mieke Van Liefde
The recovery can only begin when you have stopped the situation that is doing so. I would like to advise you to inform you about codependence: https://yoo.rs/codependentie-codependentie-en-relatieverslaving-1587761888.html?Ysid=65153
Codependentie en relatieverslaving
Codependentie en relatieverslaving
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Dana
Intense and painfully recognizable. There's a lot of hidden in this piece of text. A mixture of a tear, a smile and a little bit of hope that someday it will work out. That one day you recognize yourself in the mirror, not that dark one, but the powerful
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fanny
Somewhat strong the writing but you have reasons to come out of that darkness are your children, focus on them to see the sun shine .
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Rosita&Charlene-Blogs-Creaties
There will always be people who will understand you will start to support you. I like this very well written hear.
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Animal lover crea D
First, there is always hope and there are always people who support you, but talk or write it off of you, that's what I do on Yoors and I have a lot of strength.
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Chalija
Your gut comes across. Persists and talks about it, writing you already do. Also a nice way of writing you off. And yes the kids. Strength with everything.
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Niria
This writing is very sad you have a depressive state hopefully who you hope can help you overcome lox
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Ernesto Amador
Whoever wrote this, I'm sorry to say it: but there's kind of a depression problem.
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ELINA RICKURA
Many of us go through hard times and sometimes we stop understanding why it happens precisely to us. No doubt you're strong and you have reason to move on. have faith and you will look in the mirror again with pride.
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Marc
Certainly never be undermined by a situation or a relationship that went down and on the rocks. Learn from it and build renewal and faith, first with yourself. Very brave and highly written story that comes across as pretty sad. Strength and Success.
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Leo 1
A truly sad report that you have put in words well
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Encaustichris
Oh, dear man, I sincerely grant you come out of this. Get help, you'll need. Strength!
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Hans van Gemert
Very well written, a tricky situation. But there's hope, always. With Help.
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Rudy Siedlecki 🌳
Distressing How a Bad Relationship Can Pull You Down.
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Maria
very well written you can see the emotions, congratulations on your post
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Dewaputra
Well written. This way you write your way up, where the light glows.
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