I wished I could make you happy.  

For years I have stayed by your side because it felt right. In a way, ensuring that you were okay made me joyous. The nights you used to endure alone - plagued by your demons - were no more. I would hold your hand, clench it tight when a frown would appear on your face as you slept. Then I would caress your face and place a soft kiss on your forehead. And only then, after seeing a peaceful shadow in your demeanor would I fall into my deep slumber.

It was such a fairytale between us.  I was content of bringing you peace, and you were thankful enough for it. Until she came.

She swept you off your feet, and I fell from my mighty horse. One smile. It took only one smile from her for you to fall on your knees. I tried to shake you from your trance. I grasped your shoulders and made you look at me. I was expecting a dazed expression, but instead, I saw an ecstatic one. I would recognize that anywhere. It was love at first sight. I weakly let my hands fall to my sides and bit back a cry.

I retreated to my sanctuary - my solitude. Then I put a fence around my heart and made sure my guards were always up. There are no sunshine or darkness. Just a plain gloomy air.

While you pranced around and basked in the sun with her, I contented myself in my dull little bubble. Awaiting to be okay again.

This time, I wish I can find the courage to make myself happy.


#firstlove #happy