Pauline

· 14 Feb 2017

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How to feel

Feelings.
It's a most complicated and at the same time easy subject.
How do you express yourself in a society that forces you to be and feel in a certain way?
Nowadays everything has to be politically correct, not that I'm not an enthusiast of being pc, but it has made us all so soft.
We're not able to speak our minds because someone might get offended by an idea or a simple thought.
I've always been very straight forward with what I think about people or things.
The reactions I got were a "thank you for being honest" and now it's " you don't have to be so rude" or " it's because of your hormones, I presume?".
It's never my intention to be rude or to say hurtful things, so I keep my thoughts to myself.
I keep it in and try to express myself in a different way.
Like writing or singing.
But at one point your bubble pops and it all comes out.
So lately I've tried something new, because stress and arguing is bad for the baby.
Meditating, but in different ways.
Just laying on the bed, putting on make up, cleaning.
Without a sound.
Just me, emptying my head while doing other things.
When I'm done I feel relieved, like all my bad thoughts went out the window into a void.
It's still a challenge to keep my temper down, especially now.
One of the things they never tell you is how bad it gets.
Your emotions go way up and it fills you up with all the doubt and anger.
So again, how do you express yourself in the society of today?
You just do, but with a different tone than before.
One day I hope I get to feel lighter without all the excessive weight of emotions on my shoulders.
But for now, I go on.
Each day, step by step.
Enjoying pregnancy, enjoying life eventhough there are things holding you back.
Not because I have to, but because I want to.