How to Stop Fights in Relationship
Husband: "You are so careless many times. Look at this. You have left the car light on until the car battery was damaged. And now I am late for work."
Wife: "Am I careless? Why do you treat me like that every time? Did you really love me?
Husband: "I'm not talking about whether I love you or not. I'm talking about things you did yesterday.
Wife: "Ooooh, OK! I just forgot about it.
Most couples suffer from fighting each other every day. That makes love seem like a bad thing and results in breakups, divorces, and other bad things. Although fighting is caused by many reasons, like our differences as men and women, our lifestyle, our last relationship, etc.
But fighting in a relationship is inevitable. If you learn how to argue in a relationship as well as how to resolve conflict, you can actually bring your partner together instead of tearing you apart.
Here are four (4) simple and applicable ways to stop fighting in a relationship, so love has a chance to blossom
1. Be Defenseless.
Imagine you are in a boxing ring and throwing a punch through the left, right, and centre. What do you do? You block and defend yourself, and you give up a chance to throw a couple of punches and then back and defend yourself. When you defend, you invite them to attack, and when you attack, you invite them to defend. What most people don’t see is that attack and defense are two sides of the same coin.
As long as you defend yourself, you invite attack, and as long as you attack, you invite your opponent to defend themselves. The only way to stop a fight is to step out of the ring completely, instead of fighting to be defenseless.
The reason you invite fighting in is by defending yourself. This is an easy way to be defenseless. Find something you can agree on with your partner. Find something they have said that you can agree with.
For example, you might say, "My lovely husband, you're right." I did forget to turn off the car light and the battery was damaged. " This completely catches him off guard and interrupts the pattern of attacking and defending.
It removes his anger and calms him down, knowing you’re not defending him. He agrees with you.
2. Demonstrate Active Listening
As human beings, we have an almost primary need to feel heard and understood. Many times, when your partner is upset, they just want you to listen to them. They just need to hear that you understand and care about what they have said.
Try this way to make your partner feel heard and understood when she/he is talking with you. While upset, turn on the voice and instead of defending yourself, repeat back to them what they actually said, "What I hear you saying, my love, is that I left the light on and the car battery is damaged and now you are late for work." Did I get it? "Did I Get" means that I want to confirm that I actually understood what my partner said.
It shows how much I really want to understand what they are saying, and it shows a sign of respect. (It means "am going to listen to you effectively & am not going to defend what you talk about). It is a great way to deescalate conflict. Try it, it works like magic.
3. Take ownership of the situation.
An apology for your part in it. You left the car light on, didn’t you? Your partner is late to work. Yeah, you're right honey. So you should say something like, "You're right, honey, I left the car light on, and I've made you late for work."See how it works? You can argue with that right. That’s the power of simple, hard-felt apologies and taking responsibility for your part and what you’ve created.
4. Come together to confront the misunderstanding.
Starting using two of you together, the "We Language" is a language of couples, love, and unity. So, you might say something like How can we solve this? Would it be OK if I could call tax for you to get you to work on time, and I could pick you up after work and we could drive home together?
Most couples stand against each other and attack each other. Most fights are just a result of a misunderstanding, usually misunderstanding about your partner's tension or misunderstanding about what actually happens because of misinformation.
When you stand together and attack the misunderstandings, there will be unity between the two of you instead of standing opposite each other and attacking each other.
Finally, Fighting in a relationship happens in everyday life. But to avoid it, you need to improve your communication skills, and this way of not fixing your fighting relationship is just a strategy for the healing moment. The more you practice it, the more you get it.
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If there is something that bothers someone, the most important rule in rapport is to talk it out immediately, and if not, keep silent about it forever.