The Void In Me
#iamnewhere #shortstoryenglish
"Ugh! Life sucks too much." I said to myself, what could have been for the twentieth time for this day.
While I'm busy whiling my time away wasting it on contemplating about the suck-ingness of life, I never really care about what I could have done, albeit lesser than what other call "productive" but better than nothing during that time.
I sometimes think about what everyone could do in the time they spend on getting depressed and being busy with their "agonizing reappraisal" to themselves. Although these thoughts come to my mind, I never really mind them and paying no mind I waste my time anyway. But, today, I feel like everything is sucking way too much. I feel like my uselessness has reached its peak.
Doesn't it feel like life is constantly trying to bring you down? Like how expensive everything is in the market, or how everything you do goes to waste, or how every situation you're in kinda takes a turn for the worst. Like how you sit on a chair, with a pen in your hand, a piece of paper in front of you, ready to write some stories, but the words don't simply slip into your mind. Like how you try to solve one numerical problem in Physics and then your mind goes blank.
It's just way too freaking shitty.
But when these realities hit you, overwhelm you, and your dreams become clouded, your abilities become doubted, and your mind becomes either blank or too crowded; that's when you die on the inside.
And yeah, it seems, that I'm pretty much dead on the inside now. I've lost hope, faith and trust in everything. With every efforts I put, with every steps I take, I'm constantly being pushed down, frequently losing my confidence, gradually being over-stressed and slowly getting dragged into the darkness-enriched realm of depression and sadness.
Somewhere along the lines; "What am I doing? It's too difficult. I can't do it. It's hopeless......" I lost myself and my actions lost their meaning. I forgot who I was. I lost the sight of my goal, the vision of my future, shape of my dream. I found myself lost in the middle of no where, a void--dark, empty, cold, alone and endless. I saw no way out. I was stricken with the realisation of how vain I and my efforts were. I realized that I was just nothing, simply trying to act as a great something.
Oh, how I wished for myself to succeed, how I wished to fulfill my parents' dream, my dream. And now, I've lost the sight of it, the sight of my goal. Now, I've lost motivation and confidence. I've got no inspiration whatsoever to put any effort of any sort to make everything better. Not that I can make anything better any more. It's just.....hopeless.
//The Void In Me
--Takumi Usui(@ao_ouji)
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sujith68001
4 years ago
Dude I've been there. What u have described is exactly what I went through a couple of months ago. And I didn't get help from any therapist. You probably won't like what I'm gonna say but "you can get out"
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