Ignorance- to all the things you did wrong


1

Your wise words turned out to be not so wise after all.
I think I knew already, but I kept swallowing them anyways. The truth you told was yours alone and you refused to hear mine. Emotions were never your strength, and so in a way, they were mine. But by trying to show them, I pushed you away.
Unwillingly.
I guess you chose to let them drive you out by not acknowledging them. They became too much and scared you. But instead of learning how to deal with mine, you ignored them just like you did with yours. You left me no choice other than to end us.

Now you're back, but not really.
We're back to how and what we were all those years ago.
Confused.
As I came to think, you almost did the same to me, in a way. Pushing me away but not wanting to let go of my hand. Sharing our breaths every now and then, but then deciding you needed space. All whilst still having your arms wrapped around my waist.

I never got mad at you for playing with my feelings. But oh now how much I miss you, the air cold without you to share it with. My bed still stained with your scent that you left there when you chose to come back one more, one last time. But God knows how long or how often you will stay.

I let you hurt me.
I'd rather have you do it than do it myself. Tearing open the skin you once stroke so lovingly. Hitting me deeper than I ever could.

I'd rather have your pain transferred to me than have my own. Leaving me behind with all my anger, fear and sadness. The tears I didn't show are now drowning me inside. But I'd rather drown with you, than alone.