It's not okay.

For months, I've been wanting to write about this, write it off. For months, I doubt whether it's a good idea to share this story, my story. For months, I doubt. I'm ashamed of it, but I know I'm not the only person who's been through this. No, there are still thousands of people who are or have been in the same boat. I hope that with this I can reach the people who are in a similar situation, know that 'it's not alright. ' For months I have hesitated to stop the relationship with the person I really loved with all my heart. It was the hardest decision I've made so far, but probably the best. Months later I still regret occasionally, those are the moments when my heart gets the upper hand and my mind thinks less. Now you can think, it's just right to follow your heart! No, in some cases not at all, love makes blind -unfortunately-.

To the outside world, we had the perfect relationship, we fit perfectly together, there was nothing wrong. Unfortunately, love has passed over and we decided to end it. That is the story everyone thinks they know, but unfortunately there is another truth behind it.

We were together two years before I made this decision. Before making this decision, I doubted it for about six months and even discussed it with him. I told him that I still loved him very much but I was simply not happy, hoping that everything would get better... unfortunately. Briefly explained, my then friend rather likes flirting with others, I thought it was bad, but I did not want to forbid him from talking to others, so the flirtation continued.. You'd think flirting is okay, right, to a certain limit. When your friend invites other ladies at night when you're not here, that's not okay. Is your friend sitting by you on the couch all night, sending messages with someone else, that's not okay either. No matter how many times I talked about this, he kept doing it, but I loved him so much, I just had to find it okay. According to him, there was nothing wrong with it, as long as nothing intimate happened. By the way, those same rules didn't apply to me, so you should ask yourself this. I was not allowed to have contact with others, not even laugh with friends their jokes, nothing at all to interact. At one point we were with our group of friends at a party, and he had a bit (too much) to drink. I don't like dancing very much, but some friends had pulled me up the dance floor. Afterwards he grabbed my throat in the car with a furious look in his eyes, for a second I even thought that this was the end (this was already the 2nd time this happened, but the first time it wasn't so intense). I was in great shock and cried very hard all the way home. He still wanted to drive to his own home because in his eyes I really took off, but I didn't want to (out of fear he would crash). So I said sorry for what I did out of love for him. Looking back at it now, I am really ashamed, I had done nothing wrong, on the contrary, HE had grabbed MY THROAT... but as I said, love makes blind.

In addition, it didn't go well on the sexual level either. Because he was constantly busy with others and I became more unhappy and unhappy, things also deteriorated. But sir thought because we were together, it's okay to just have sex with you, even if you don't want to. He has often forced me, forced to have sex, forced to suck him, even often with quarrels or tears in the eyes. But for love, you do everything. He can say it's okay because you're his girlfriend, but it's NOT okay at all. Girlfriend or not, it's abuse.