I thought I could get through this time reasonably. I'm with my father and I'm not bored yet. A bit of netflien and I have a coloring book that I have fun with my new crayons. Through the walk-in house I get orders to sign. I like to make that too, because then I can completely immerse myself in that. I speak to a number of girlfriends regularly via image bells or just old-fashioned phone. It is actually going its way.

But a few days ago, my brother called. He does that often. Let's check how it goes. We'll talk about how I feel and what he's doing right now. He's at home in between assignments now, so he needs to be entertained. His wife has her own hobbies and he then crawls behind the computer he tells. We're talking about our father because we know he's a rather busy bee and doesn't like to sit still. He is busy in the garden and does his little puzzle or takes a nap. It's still going well, actually. We hang up with the promise that when this is all over, we'll have to meet again and see each other.
The contact with my brother gives me a boost to contact my new brothers and sisters. I'll send them all a message. It is quite a task, because there are eight. And in the course of the day I receive a nice message back from all of them. They miss me, and they all know it's almost my birthday. That surprises me a little bit.

I'm sitting in front of the TV and I see I missed the day before. And I decide to look back. It's about a brother and sister from Brazil. They're looking for their mother and father and sister. Their oldest sister is in prison. She followed her mother's footsteps. Mother was an alcoholic. She had several children. A son grew up with his father. Eventually, the brother who is looking is also a son of this man. And thus also finds his full brother. I think it's a very emotional episode. And before I know it, tears are rolling down my cheeks. And I miss my family. It's coming in so incredibly hard, I don't know where to look for it. I cry, just like I am now. And I wonder where this came from. But I just want to be with them. With all of them. I feel so connected to them. Of course with my brother. Even though that has been different. We never had a very strong connection. That was more my fault. I didn't let anyone in. But now I miss him so much. The feeling just overtakes me. I am quite calm during this period, but when I think about my family I am completely done with this period and want to see them again. And be near them. Maybe it's the fact that it's almost my birthday. At the beginning of the year I didn't know if I was going to see this day. Especially in this way. The realization of how important family is. And because I'm adopted, not everyone will understand how I feel. My brother is technically my stepbrother, but I don't know how that feels different from a brother. He's my brother. When I think back to our childhood and what we've all been through. That's what you're going through with your brother. But now with the replenishment of my biological siblings. That also feels very familiar and very nice. I need to get to know them even better. But they're so sweet and easy to approach. And then my only full brother. I can't get any good contact with him. He wants to know everything, but it'll take months to send another message. I was warned about that, but I don't understand. Like me, he's adopted, and I'm curious about his story, but I can't force him. I wonder what's stopping him. I'm giving him room to respond to his pace. And then we'll see how that goes.

I hope that writing this blog also ensures that I can give everything a place again. Because so far, all I have to do is watch a video on TV that people miss each other and I'm crying the whole thing back together. And luckily, the videos are in every commercial block. So that's a lot of tears. I don't know this feeling very well to myself. But it's deep, I can see that. I can't wait to see them all again. I miss them so much.

#k *nker cancer

Loading full article...