It took me a while to put a blog online again, but I didn't find any inspiration. I don't want to whine all the time, and I had that feeling every time I wanted to write. I can't promise at this moment that I won't whine, because I just had a cry and decided to write a blog anyway. I think it would be useful if I regularly breathe my heart. Unfortunately, it's not always possible with fun things. Although it might be easy. And do I also have to stay true to the reason of this blog and that is my heart air to share my emotions and not keep walking around with it?

For me, the past period has been a bit between head and body. I'm fine in my head. I feel good and I'm sharp. I just notice that my body is not cooperating. I am very stiff and suffer from my joints. It doesn't always hurt, but I'm incredibly hard to get ahead. Walking is incredibly difficult. If I'm in bed and I want to turn around, it'll take five minutes. Panting and puffing. It is awful. And then sometimes I have pain from my back. And then I can't do anything. I can only turn around using the bracket above my bed. You're so tired of it. Not to mention the tension pains I have. That is best compared to those electronic punches that you can use to train your muscles. Only you can't control when you feel it and how intense. Usually it goes from 0 to 10, and I scream out in pain. Sometimes it works, sometimes I wake up screaming because I feel it. It drives me crazy. They're going to check something in my blood, but it's not for two weeks, so maybe I'll call on Monday and get help a little faster. I feel like an old person. I shuffle through the house. I can't walk really well anymore. Up the stairs is a tragedy. And yet I hear myself say, well today is going well. Because that means I'm not in pain, but I can't do anything else. It makes me so sad. I still want to do a lot of things. I'm going away for a weekend with my friends. The sweat is already breaking me out. I don't even know if I can turn around in bed. I thought it would be a wonderful bath, but of course that is not possible at all. Enjoy the course by a walk, ikke not. With a bit of luck, I sit there on the couch and I don't scream the place together with the tension pains. #K *nker cancer

But if I push myself a little bit, then just like last Tuesday I am able to be present at a workshop of Tell to inspire. I manage to tell my story again. I get compliments and inspiration for the next time. An hour before that, I was in bed, but I did it! And I'm incredibly proud of myself. February 4th is World Cancer Day and then my story gets posted in Wendy online. I am proud of that too. These are beautiful moments to experience.
In February I do another workshop. In the walk-in house we started a new group that will focus on making products. I look forward to that and realize that I will be present and do what I have to do. So it's not just doom and gloom. And most importantly, my results have been pretty good the last couple of times. My kidney function has never been so good, the tumor markers had fallen, the spraying of EPO is still going well. So I should be happy for a while. The radiation is not fun, but the second time was less bad.

I just have to learn to make the little things important to myself. So find out if I can get tested earlier on the tension pain. But also visit the physiotherapist for massages of my back. I know that I have to buy another bed, because the mattress of the home care bed is too thin. Not good for my back either. So that will be the focus for the next week. The crying of the net was therefore necessary to put everything back in perspective. Let myself know that I need to focus on myself again and make sure that I can rest well, so that I can do the maximum to start my day right. Sometimes I can not suppress the feeling of writing a blog, now I know exactly why! And also because I know that I will get some nice and nice reactions again. And they always do me good. Love! x

Loading full article...