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It's just who I am... not what I have

It's just who I am... not what I have

I usually just post pictures and random crap, not making very many personal posts. But today, I have something I need to voice and put into form that has been trapped in my head for the past few weeks. I speak of this in a somber tone and would like to stress to everyone that this is not a joke, a ploy for attention or a source fodder to make memes or jokes from.

I went into a neuro-psychologist for a re-evaluation of a diagnoses I had had as a child: ADHD. I got this when I was 7. And by 14 I was send to a neuro-psychologist. This was brought about as a suggestion from a teacher back in my high school at the time. I spent two days taking over 300 different tests that would shed insight into my mind and its mechanics.

When the results came back a month later, he told me that I had been mis-diagnosed and had been treated for the wrong disorder. He then told me that my whole life (to that point and from then on) I had been suffering from a little-known disorder called Non-Verbal Learning Disorder (NLD). It is in the same family as Aspergers and Autisim. He went on to explain that it is brought about by being born with the neuro connective tissue between the left and right side of the brain having either not formed correctly in the womb or damaged. As a result, I am handicapped in my right brain with my left brain offering me genius level understanding in vocabulary, spelling and language skills.

Academic Performance

  • WISC Verbal IQ is often higher than the Performance IQ.
  • Strong to exceptional vocabulary and more than typical verbal expression.
  • Strong to exceptional auditory rote memory skills.
  • Excellent attention to detail, but not so for the big picture.
  • The individual may be an early reader, OR may have early reading difficulties. Common difficulty with reading comprehension beginning in the upper elementary grades, especially for novel material.
  • Difficulties in math are common, especially in the areas of word problems and abstract applications.
  • Concept formation and abstract reasoning may be significantly impaired.
  • Significant difficulty generalizing information - e. g. applying learned information to new or novel situations.
  • Generally they are auditory, uni-modal learners (may not look or write while processing).

Social Interaction

  • Process at a very concrete level and interpret information quite literally.
  • Significant weakness processing nonverbal communication such as body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice.
  • Unable to intuit what is not specifically stated.
  • May present as uncooperative.
  • Tremendous difficulty with fluid or difficult social interactions.
  • Lack “street smarts" - can be incredibly naive.


  • Appear to lack coordination - do better in individual rather than team sports.
  • Impaired fine motor skills - handwriting may be poor and/or laborious.
  • Significant problems with spatial perception are common.
  • Difficulty learning to ride a bicycle, catch and/or kick a ball, hop and/or skip.


  • Anxiety and/or depression may be quite severe, especially during adolescence.
  • Individuals tend to be withdrawn by middle school, and may actually become agoraphobic.
  • Cannot readily adapt to new situations, or changes to routine.
  • Self-esteem problems are common. Increased incidence of suicide within the NLD population.

Each NLD person suffers differently, but I was devastated when I learned that in my particular case, I cannot copy what I see very well. I love to draw people and had prior thought that I just needed to work harder at it. But I can’t ever do fanart or draw people without tracing it because proportions are spatial reasoning which I am severely handicapped in. I am in a place of despair. I can’t read facial expressions unless they are exaggerated, (maybe that is why I love anime so much...) I can’t remember faces and it hurts my head to look in another person’s eyes for too long in addition to not understanding social cues and gestures. The one thing I loved to draw (badly) was people and characters from shows I love. And I know how tracing is frowned upon in the art community. It breaks me apart to know that tracing is my only option now. I went and took up painting. Which helped out a bit.

65% of a conversation is non-verbal. I have been missing half the conversation my whole life and have lost friends because I didn’t understand their annoyance or anger over the situation or something I did. NLD is not well known and kids get mis-diagnosed with ADD/ADHD all the time. So I am making this post not only to promote awareness about this disorder but hopefully it may prompt someone to get retested.

People are merciless and cruel when someone doesn’t perform socially. That kid you may be teasing at school might have this problem. NLD people are often bullied at school, and a lot of people that have this disorder commit suicide because of bullies. The verbal language is what we understand the best. Sarcasm, double-entendres, and ‘kidding’ fly over our heads as we interpret what is said literally. I am lucky that I am not too handicapped in that area but I have lost many friends because of my 'handicap'.

I have it. I am 27 and it’s a daily struggle for sure. I also have two kids on top of it. And struggle through college to get myself more attractive on the job market. I got divorced 2 years ago… my husband didn’t get my disorder and it became really bad. For the kids it was better to split up. all this above describes me perfectly.

I was bullied a lot in school. Back then… over 15 years ago. NLVD wasn’t well known. Now as a streamer and blogger I try and bring it out there as well


Henkjan de Krijger
Goed geschreven. Wanneer ga je weer wat posten ?
29-08-2015 13:05
29-08-2015 13:05 • Reageer
Veel onduidelijkheid over ADHD en ADD. Bedankt voor je duidelijke uitleg
07-08-2015 14:13
07-08-2015 14:13 • Reageer
Goed geschreven, moi om te lezen.
31-07-2015 22:16
31-07-2015 22:16 • Reageer
Mooi geschreven! ik ga je volgen! jij mij ook?
29-07-2015 11:05
29-07-2015 11:05 • Reageer