Later when I grow up...

What a special year we've had on it. I really did not want to miss it despite all the personal misery and 2 times covid-19 of which 1x really positive tested. The first time, there was no testing. I didn't have a fever then, and I thought my lung condition had gotten worse. However, when the test came back with positive 1 November I was sure, so I had it in March 2020 as well.

The first time was more intense. The second time especially the fear of being as stuffy again as the first time. I've just been so lucky. I don't know why, and sometimes I find that kind of hard too. It turns out to be some kind of Russian roulette.

There was one thought that kept me going all the time, and that is that I want to be able to tell the next generation in 20 years' time how we lived in 2020. Just like my grandma used to tell me about World War II, but with a new kind of war. Of course in 20 years there will be more than enough people who can tell about the corona pandemic, but still this thought always popped up and it kept me going.

Now on the last day of the year I finally put that in writing and look back on for me a year with a lot of personal growth. I've learned how really, really, really important it is to listen to your own body. How I felt for the first time in... not constantly tired. There really was time left for fun things, just here in the house. That it's okay to get my rest and be nice (alone) at home and that doesn't say anything about whether I'm social or lonely, because I'm definitely not. There have been years when I felt lonely, but too much “have to” and so from hot to running does not make me less lonely or less. I may have felt more connected this year than years before.

In addition, I have also learned that this corona crisis is different for everyone and that it can be common. We're all on the same sea, but sail in our own boat.

Then I have one thing that is no different from other years, but perhaps with a different kind of meaning or hope, because now too I wish you all the best for the New Year and hope that all your dreams can come true.

Until next year