Lockerheit. Shouldn't we all be a little more?
As long as it's about myself it works, but as soon as it concerns my children or my partner or people I love, I find it difficult to be “Locker”. I'd like them to be okay.
As far as friends are concerned, I always felt that they had to be able to choose who they wanted to deal with or not. Assuming that my education would give me the right foundation and they would be strong enough to maintain themselves in any environment. Everyone was and is welcome in my house. Regardless of education, religion, house color, sexual preference or whatever. The only rules I had and have are that the rules regarding manners that apply to me in my house are respected. But now I notice that I'm starting to have some trouble with some friends. Not because they are unkind, not because they do (very) crazy things but because I am beginning to notice that they stop my child irgenwie (if I am working with German words anyway) and that they are not stimulating friendships. More and more often I notice that I am abomination of the street language they use and the stupid English words that are used inconduciously and impatiently. And I notice that I'm getting into a knot with my own parenting choices. I really think it is important that they learn to deal with everyone whatever background they have, but I also notice that I am increasingly annoying myself about my own child.
Am I being honest with myself? Don't I just want them to be able to deal with anyone but under MY terms? Is that it? That they just speak English? And that they - and now I really have to swallow before writing it down - continue to function at their own level and do not “descend” to the level of friends. As I write it down, I know that this is what I feel deep inside when I'm very honest. So I'm stuck. Because I sincerely don't want to tell them who to deal with or not. At the moment I feel like I'm failing the educational objectives I set myself because it doesn't work out as I intended.
In de tijd van mijn kinderen was dat ook zo, ook mijn schooltijd zat zo in elkaar. Het gaat gepaard met boosheid, met verdriet.
Sterkte in deze tijd.
de mijne zijn volwassen, zelfs met gezinnen. Het blijft een kwestie van loslaten en vertrouwen houden.
Kinderen moeten steeds meer in een bepaald stramien meelopen, dat is handig omdat ze dan niet veel aandacht, lees tijd, lees kosten met zich meebrengen. Op een gegeven moment onttrekken ze zich en gaan ze zichzelf ontplooien, laatbloeiers noemen ze ze dan maar.
Wij zeiden 30 jaar geleden vaak, als ze niet in de bak komen of verslaafd raken mag je al tevreden zijn.
Maar dat is toch niet wat we voor ogen hadden, ergens voor staan en voor gaan, op de barricades, sportief of muzikaal ontplooien dat is wat we wilden. Maar ook weer niet met een drumstel in de kamer.
Lastig, lastig, ik weet niet waar het heen moet.