Loss and mourning of young people (3)
In the shoebox
It's Friday, almost the end of the morning at the toddler care. Klaasje is still busy playing in the doll corner. Early this morning, Mama informed me that yesterday was the farewell to Grandpa. Klaasje just came along, because Mom thought this was a good idea.
You do want to start the closing of the day, but you can't. You notice that Klaasje is mainly busy with storing dolls in a shoebox and then taking them out. If you take a closer look at the scene, you can also hear Klaasje pronounce the words: 'You are dead, Grandpa, you must be in the box. '.
For a moment you don't know what to do. Play along or not. You decide to let Klaasje play her game, because somewhere you do know that Klaasje is busy with the grieving process, in her own way. When Mommy comes to pick up Klaasje from toddler care, you tell Mom what you've observed. It's important that Mom knows how Klaasje deals with the death of her grandfather.
Children from two to six years
At this age stage, the child is already learning more and more about death. It teaches, for example, that there is a distinction between life and death.
What the precise definition of death is, however, that is sometimes unclear at this age. For the child at this age stage, death is still a temporary. However, at this age stage the child will increasingly realize that death and sorrow are inextricably linked. Fear of death is not usually there yet, but curiosity, because 'how does that work?’. The younger the child, the more the fantasy plays a role.
If children at this age are faced with the death of a loved one, then it can become emotionally confused. Tantrums and guilds are not exceptional, this applies to both the toddler and the toddler.
In this age phase Children may express their emotional feelings through play; for example, colliding cars or dolls in a shoebox. This is a way for the young toddler or preschooler to cope with the loss, while at you as a parent, educator or professional it can go through marrow and leg.
What to do with a toddler or preschooler at a funeral?
I'll be honest, there's no unambiguous answer to this. It is especially important as a parent to listen to your feelings and make your choice on the basis of that. However, I have some tips that might help you make this choice easier.
- If you choose not to bring your toddler or toddler to a funeral, take care of photos or film material. At a later age, you can then talk with your child about the loved one using the pictures. If you choose to take your toddler or toddler to a funeral, make sure that there is someone behind guard. I mean by this that there is someone on hand who is able to look after your toddler or preschooler during the shift, so that there can also be room for your own feelings and emotions.
- Prepare your toddler or preschooler. At this age stage, children can be very curious, answer the questions that your child asks. Read booklets about death and buried according to the age of the child. A number of titles of books about death include: Dear Grandma Pluis, I had so much to say to you, Derk Das always stays with us. Of course, there are many other.
- Make sure you take pictures or videos that your toddler or preschooler has been present. Especially if it is a funeral of a person close, for example, grandmother, grandpa, mom or dad. At a later age, children can still come up with questions why a certain person is no longer there. Together you can watch the pictures or the video you made at the time.
Do you have any tips or additions to this blog? Then let us know in a comment.
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