I'ts only as awkward as you let it be, they said.
When did staying over become the equivalent of having sex? It used to be a comfort, having someone next to me. Now it’s a challenge; how long before anything will happen? Am I still going to be able to have a steady friendship with this person? It’s both terrifying and exciting at the same time.
What are the signs? Am I reading them right? Maybe I’m just looking for them because I feel alone. Or perhaps I am the one directing them. Maybe the other person feels the same.
Laying next to each other, we might be best friends. Is it still okay to hold each other or would that provoke things?
I’m mostly scared of the aftermath, of what I will feel when they leave. I don’t want them to leave.
But even if nothing happens, you’ll still be left with this feeling of uncertainty. The signs were there, weren’t they? What will they expect next time? I have been gullible before. Trusting them to not make any moves. Not because I didn’t want them to, but because I trusted them. Trusted them to handle my kindness with care and not feeling the need to repay me with intimacy.
