According to the General Dutch Dictionary, a mail order bride is a woman who is consciously looking for a man abroad to marry him and who tries to get in touch with foreign men through a relationship agency, usually via the internet; woman who has her country leave to marry someone in another country; bride from another country; importbride. If you read it like this, it seems like a harmless thing but when you consider that the mail order bride usually comes from the less developed areas such as Latin America, the Philippines or Thailand, such a word gets a nasty aftertaste for me. They seek a man in the hope of a better life, more prosperity and, above all, to support their family financially. These women apply to mediation agencies to be able to marry a foreign man who is financially well. In the eyes of women from these areas, the Western man is attentive, loving and respectful. Most men in their own country often show discriminatory behaviour towards women and are often poor and addicted to alcohol and/or drugs. (1)

From the point of view of such a woman, I can imagine that people are looking for a better life. Personally, I think that the uncertain financial expectation of the future encourages women or girls to apply to such an agency. But I'm having trouble with the whole concept of a mail order bride. I come to this blog because I just saw someone here on yoors who only “blogs” about mail order brides. Well, now blogging might be a big word for what this person does. He or she (I don't even know) places 2 sentences, at most 3, with a link to sites where one can find mail order companies. Now I know that this is of course allowed, but as I said, it makes me feel bad. And all this under the #love .

Now, of course, there's nothing wrong with love or the search for love. And of course, love can also be found through the global network. It's not. But what I have trouble with is that on such a site of mail order brides the ladies all offer themselves scissor-dressed to men. The dress code is rather uniform. And I assume this is advised so that the men can see “the commodity” properly. I clicked through once and when I read texts like "The Vietnamese lady draws attention to her small, skinny face, her precious, dark skin, black hair and shiny eyes. In cities, a woman always appears well-dressed in public, because beautiful brides in Vietnam are delighted with modesty and dignity. Marriage is considered a lifelong union and girls usually marry between the ages of 18 and 25. They are loyal wives, loving mothers, excellent cooks and diligent housewives. "Then the chills run down my body. Maybe because I'm assuming that most of the guys on this site aren't between 18 and 25 years old, but older guys. Yes, I know 18 is an age in the Netherlands when someone is mature, but if you consider that an average brain is only mature from 25 years (2) I find the age at which the girls offer themselves doubtful. Of course there are older ladies on it, but still.

And then the terms with which the women are being touted. It really gives me the creeps. Vietnamese women are described so: They are according to such a site the embodiment of beauty, faithful, loyal and honest, attach to strong family value, they do not have bad habits, they have an incredible physique, they are generous, Ladies from Vietnam are humble and as a blow to the flare are they are subordinate. The Columbian woman is touted as follows: they are beautiful, they will make you laugh, they take care of themselves, they take care of themselves, they do not need a lot of money to look good, they will remain happy anyway, they will always understand you, they are passionate and lovingly. And I assume that the red line is quite clear and on other sites will be about the same. I don't get the impression from such descriptions that the men are looking for a partner to have an equal relationship with. Perhaps that is not the case for these ladies, and they are satisfied with this role and would like to take that role for a better life, but I seriously wonder if most of the men who wish a mail order bride can also satisfy the financial security they are looking for. Is it crazy that I doubt that? Why should a man who has done his business have to look for a woman? Money makes people attractive soon, I think, so finding a woman closer doesn't seem so weird to me.

But what about the men because to make this “trade” successful you need men on the other side of the net. Many men who order a mail order bride already have one or more failed marriages or relationships in their own country, looking for a woman who is “sweet and obedient.” In addition, men often choose a foreign bride because they find the “exotic” attractive. Women from developing countries often have the reputation of being docile, while two centuries of feminism have made many American and European women more independent. In addition, the value of a man from a developed country in a developing country is higher, so they can choose more beautiful women (3)