No, I don't have any notebooks (6)


I write you a love letter and wanted to tell you about what happened because I love you x

I just wanted to tell you the last week because I'm not gonna get a chance to talk to you about what happened. And it helps me process a little bit. Yeah, in case you didn't know. I'm actually a writer, and that's what I want to say. I write things off from me to process certain things. I also write texts for websites etc... but that something completely different. My dream is to write a book one day, you know?
But I'm deviating...

Last week Monday:
Last Monday, when we had that terrible altercation, I really felt like who the hell am I to you. You were so in the pit, and I tried and tried to help you, but I got into that fight. But I stayed with you until Tuesday morning until I had to go to work. I have to tell you, I was in my emotions at the time, and it was like you didn't care. I'm small then... and there I mean that I'm going to doubt myself and that my confidence is suddenly gone. I really wanted to help you, but my feeling you don't trust me. But I kept telling you everything I was and what I did. I would never lie, cheat or hurt anyone. I'm just not like that. I trust you because I know your heart! And because you're worth it!
Last week Tuesday
I'm deviating again. I'm leaving Tuesday morning. And everything was okay, I thought.
At night, I try to call you, no answer. Sending me off, no response either. I passed and didn't see anything either. I wasn't good back then. I'm starting to panic.
Last week Wednesday
Wednesday, I stayed in my bed all day. Didn't feel like working. Nothing went off me. I was still trying to call and so on. Meanwhile, I knew that you were happily alive. And I thought it was just because of your phone that you couldn't call me and so on... I
Last week Thursday
I'm going to the doctor because I crashed completely. I hadn't heard you in three days. I was completely stuck in my neck. I just had too much stress at work.

And then I've been stupid asking a supposedly friend if he wanted to ask you from me to call when he saw you?
THE SAID FRIEND then told me that you were cheating on me,
(beware I have all the messages he sent me back then, I wanted you to read them to show what kind of ne stoker and bastard he is)

On Friday I got a message from a good friend that you told her you were going to call me. That GOOD FRIEND I trust 100 percent. That's why I knew there was just a communication problem between us. You didn't know I was sick and I couldn't reach you?

But it took me until Sunday to finally do something or do something because I thought I'd lost you completely. I was glad to see you on Sunday. Also thanks to GIRLFRIEND A AND GIRLFRIEND B that gave me ne sjot under my ass not to give up.

But, Sjoe, I really know there's something there. I feel that, you know? If you're mad at me, do you blame me... I don't know, but we're not us anymore. I love you dead, but you're abandoning me right now, I feel. I don't want to abandon you because I promised. But please tell me what's going on because I feel that something is not with you anymore. I felt necessary when I could be with you. But today, too. What's wrong, please? You're not even asking how I'm doing anymore?

Or is it that you don't like or like me anymore and you don't want me in your life?
But making me think of everything is not a solution or ignoring me either.
If it was, I'll try to respect that. I'll keep supporting you, and I won't let you down. It's gonna be hard for me again, but if you want, just say it.
I've been so cracked, I'm constantly questioning myself. I need to rebuild my own confidence.

Or we go for another chance, the two of us.

Or is everything just okay.

You know, I love you! And I would do anything to help you, you know that.
I hope to see you today to talk because I missed that all week. Ale yes the past week you haven't really been talking to me. I HOPE YOU'RE OK SWEET SIGN LOFJOE X #burnout #hsp #autobiografisch

in this week I crashed... the beginning of the burn out that lasted until January 2018