Will I survive?



I've been told to write about what really hurts me and what's keeping me silent all the time ,
drowning in my own space... But I couldn't spell any significant phrase , I didn't know what to write or
how to feel or if I should beg anyone for help.. it was just too dark to write , too old fashioned to give a fuck ...
it's just multiple shades of grey are being seen and my soul is sinking . However , I don't think I will suvive those things or even just get up and feel the same again... What I really want you to know is ; that I am
pralysed by fear ...
Then you'll ask me about that fear which robs me of all my senses and I wouldn't be able to answer because I don't know how to describe my inability to move or how my muscles are cramped , all I am able to do is blinking , just blinking and watching all the darkness around me , I am surrounded by it like a prey and no movements ...
My heart should have gone crazy but it doesn't and that's the weirdest thing not to feel anything ,
not to move , not to fight it back ... Just pralysed and knowing that the earth isn't collapsing because I am bare foot and I still feel the coldness of the walls behind me...
So I should be sad , I think I should be that way so I can feel something at least and give it a reason to cut me the throat and make me feel sore...
I think you shouldn't read all of that and I know if you read it , you won't know how much ache my soul is facing , you won't notice the struggle I am fighting back ...
However , Don't pity me ... Never do so..

#notes  #survivor #drowningin #thoughts #Dontpityme #nopity #watchme