Back from gone!


Back from gone!

A lot has happened in recent months... actually too much, and all that in combination with my panic disorder (what do I keep finding that word actually... as if I have a stamp on my head and am crazy...)

Violent events with a very beautiful ending, where I stand now!

Curious what happened and how it went in combination with my panic disorder? Then read on quickly! #terugvanweggeweest


Dear everyone, first I want to say that I'm glad I've been back for a while! And my gosh, what a lot happened... all in combination with my #paniekstoornis .

Let me start at the beginning...

It was December 2019 when I found out that my husband at the time had done things that I couldn't handle. However, this had happened a few times before and every time we got our relationship/marriage a new chance, mainly for the children. For me, the event in December 2019 was the drop and I decided to choose for myself and the children in early 2020. Perhaps the most difficult decision of my life so far, but also the best one (for me and the welfare of the children considering the home as a family really didn't go anymore).

And then, then you decide to leave and to #scheiden But where do you have to go? I was not registered yet so forced to move along with the children with my parents. Fortunately, after a week I had already found a private rental property that I could immediately enter! Yes!!!! What a great windfall that was!

And then your life just goes on. Certainly also difficult moments because you are all alone. Maybe it's the hardest thing to do everything #alleen because you know in the back of your head that you have a panic disorder... What if...? But hey, I've stood for more hot fires, so why shouldn't I be able to handle this one?

A few days and weeks flew by... And there he was... all of a sudden I saw him, a good friend for years, but it turned out there was more. And now? Now we are together and oh how nice that is! He is not only super sweet and caring for me but also for the children! The kids love him, you can't make me happier as a mother!

He knows about my panic disorder and supports me in helping my greatest fears. #overwinnen . My biggest #angst , driving on the highway.. I was already panicked when I just thought about it..

Last week we were invited to my parents' house, so we had to go there in the car. Sitting in the front passenger's seat (no matter which route) is terrible, but hey... I also have to cross that threshold so he was allowed to drive and choose the route himself. Very sweet that he asked me if he should drive inside, but because I was overcoming all my fear, I said: go on the highway. The first few minutes I had to swallow my fear away but miraculously there was nothing wrong! I even liked it! I never could have imagined that years ago.

I suggested I would like to drive back since I never used alcohol... so to speak done. We got to the intersection, and I honestly told you that I had doubts... try the provincial road or go inside? His answer was, try it. Can't we go inside.

Inside, I kept hesitating, but I also knew I'd have to take this step again someday so... HOP on the provincial road. This one I drove all the way out and finally we went on the highway. How did I do that without fear? I don't know, but i just did it! I think it's definitely been a lot of faith in him. The words, “You can do it, you'll be fine, “I probably just needed.

Once back with him and the family at home we told you which route I had ridden, and they too were happy! How good it feels that you can share your joy with your in-laws!

When I come home to my in-laws, it just feels like coming home! Something I've never really felt in the past but what is now, and that from the very first moment!


But where you overcome fears and move on with your life, you also find out who your real #vrienden and who is not. A lot of people make us “talk black “and don't want anything to do with us. That's okay, each has his own choice and then we don't have to put any energy into that anymore.

But that's how you find out that real friends still exist! I shared my 'highway victory' on my various social media channels and suddenly last weekend I just got a big bunch of flowers and a sweet card sent home from a dear friend! Such friends you must cherish! Even the friends who say, “Let me know when you're home safely?” Those are worth gold!

Dear all, the lesson I've learned and has only become clearer. Remember what you are worth and fight for yourself and your loved ones!