yannickhountongbe

· 16 Nov 2021

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Recovering from a disappointment in love

Whether we have experienced it or not, disappointment in love is a concept that we all know, even vaguely. Moreover, one would have to be very presumptuous to believe that it would be impossible to experience such a situation during one's lifetime. It can happen to anyone, without exception. But, what is that thing that hurts so much after a romantic breakup ? Is it the realization that this person we so idealized was not the love of our life ? Is it more like coming back to earth and aborting all the plans that we had made with it? ? Or is it realizing that you may not have the capacity to give or receive love ? If you experience a disappointment in love, these questions will inevitably come back and let us tell you that they are fundamental, because whether you want it or not, you will have to pull yourself together sooner or later.
What if the best way to overcome such a phase was to face it ? Get up every morning and dare to say I can do it. In other words, would it be better to press on an already open wound in order to heal from its wounds ? Discover in this article some recommendations with which you can overcome your heartache. Others have already done it, and why not you ?

• Love-disappointment: an almost obligatory pattern
- Sentimental disappointment or disillusionment in love
Depending on the people affected by the story, the break will be experienced in a more or less intense way. One thing is for sure is that having this kind of experience is not pleasant, far from it. For a moment, you get to a point where you think it would be impossible to get out of it because your heart is broken. Generally, when you get in a relationship with someone you really love, you start making long-term plans, and our expectations are very high. Indeed, if you want to do something in the long term, you do not engage with the first or the first coming. We make your choice on a person who meets all the personal criteria that we have set for ourselves. Thanks to this careful selection, we can be able to form a lasting and solid union with this person.
Very often, while we are very naive, we try to convince ourselves that this choice will only occur once in our life. We have all our hopes on the relationship and we tell ourselves from the start that we have just bet on the right horse. After all here, it is your fulfillment and a large part of your life that is at stake. But is that the reality ? We'll find out later.
The famous “honeymoon”, not the one after the wedding, but rather the one at the beginning of the relationship, where we only find positive points for one's partner is not eternal. At some point or another, reality will catch up with you, and that's inevitable. Sometimes, it must be said that the latter is a bit hard to accept and to be able to solve the problem, you just have to make some adjustments. But, in other cases, it can destroy you, leaving you disillusioned and with a very bitter taste.
The excitement at the beginning about all the projects you had done is gradually fading back. Disagreements continue to take up more and more space as the relationship evolves, until one partner ends up disappointing the other in a more or less irreversible way.

• What to do after a disappointment in love ? Undergo or react ?
In short, we can remember that in life as a couple, it is almost inevitable to have disappointments in love. It remains to be seen whether it will be fatal to the couple or not. But, in the event of a breakup, get ready for a very difficult ordeal. Very often after a breakup, we feel empty, taken aback by the magnitude of the suffering caused by the departure of the one we love so much. You then feel a kind of barrage that prevents you from being happy and you have the impression that it will never give in again, even before you start fighting.
If you really want to get out of this phase, you will have to be violent, because yes, it is not at all easy.
1st tip: be your own priority in order to bounce back
- Confront emotions instead of avoiding them
Don't expect the process to be quick and that overnight all your feelings will go away. Getting out of a disappointment in love requires patience and indulgence. When you are disappointed, you often lose confidence in your partner, in yourself and also in the future. To build reinsurance, you will need, as we said, time. However, be aware that by remaining passive, the process will take much more than expected. There is no question here of going for it without thinking and telling ourselves that you want to solve problems, win back your ex or start developing strategies to quickly forget him, quite the contrary! All this has to go to the background. There's only one person that counts right now; and this one is you !
One of the first reflexes that we often have after a breakup is to withdraw into oneself. We are usually collapsed and we lament about its fate all the time. Indeed, it must be admitted, the emotional whirlwind only gravitates around our own person, this in a purely egocentric approach. When you find yourself in the middle of this storm, the first thing you need to do is not try to get out of it, right! Rather, you have to look at the depths of yourself and draw everything you can from it. The best thing is to go round your back and find that place where nothing moves and nothing can reach you.

- Seek deep within oneself resources to soothe your grief
Here, the best thing to do is much easier than you think. Just Breathe ! Yes, it may seem meaningless, but you will understand very soon. Indeed, you will have to stay focused on your concentration and at the same time as your heart pulsations subside, let your sobs and anxieties calm down. It may seem much easier said than done, which is why you should not hesitate to learn to control your breath. You can use the techniques of meditation, Pilates or even yoga.
Consider counting seconds in such a way that exhalations are longer than breaths. This tool is very powerful. As you practice it, you will notice that your mind will focus on the account and relegate your emotional pains to the background. You will relax so much that you will feel good.
The advice here is not to try to get out of your shell, but rather to dive deep into it to find yourself the resources to overcome your problems. However, if you want to be able to restore calm in this noise, you have to start accepting grief. Living in denial is nothing positive, because sooner or later your feelings will catch up with you and it may hurt, very badly.

2nd tip: Externalize the sorrows caused by love disappointment
So you have to admit what you feel, accept that the situation is very painful and that you are really suffering. We'll have to try to put words on his sadness. Do not hesitate to cry, shout and if you have the chance, collapse, even if no one is there to hear you. You can also go through writing to express your pain. This is a loophole that has proven to be very effective. Try to find that outlet through which you will be able to get out all your negative thoughts. As soon as you have managed to express your grief, it will seem lighter to wear.
Needless to say that it will have to be a healthy loophole. There is no question here of delving into the consumption of narcotics or delving into highly toxic relationships or adopting behaviors that will only result in destroying you.
You have to take charge, that's what matters here. Also, you will have to be very attentive to everything you feel, because it is from your feelings that you will draw the glimmer of hope. It will show you the way to a brighter future. Certainly, there will be good times and bad times so do not hesitate to resume this exercise as many times as it will be necessary.

3rd tip: Facing life despite sentimental grief
Finally, you're trying to get your life back in hand. You feel like you're healed, since your emotions are getting stable again. And it's already a good start. However, as a matter of fact, the grief of a disappointment in love does not fly away from one minute to the next. But trying to move on is already a big step towards disappearing. So, you have to start by resuming your activities and sharing good times with your friends and family.
Indeed, before this disappointment in love, you had a life. Outside of the time you spent with your ex, you certainly had other activities. You have to try to regain stability in your days. Refocus as much as possible on your entertainment, your hobbies, your little joyful moments. Only think about what will do you good. You can even go far beyond your old habits. Launch to new horizons. Try new things, things you've been dreaming of for a long time, even before you get in a relationship. Dare to meet new people.
After these different activities, you will surely feel better and more secure of yourself. Which proves that your disappointment in love is going to be forgotten. All that grief, this helplessness will leave you. At this stage, as you're about to get yourself back in hand, your ex may be at risk of reappearing.

• How to Avoid Making That Huge Heartbreak Resurrect at the Sight of Your Ex ?
Time goes by, and every day that passes propels you to the future. You're getting better, you've recovered from your disappointment. And all of a sudden, your ex comes back around. Sometimes it may seem unexpected or it may happen that you are not surprised. Whatever the situation, rest assured. You're ready to confront your ex. Yes, since you took the time to recover from your emotions, you confessed your grief and overcame it.
In addition, you know how stress and disappointment symptoms manifest, since you have endured them. So it proves that you are fit to see your ex again. Thanks to the various activities that you have done on you to recover from your emotions, you will take the disappointed. This takes into account more or less the control of the breath that you have learned to control during your romantic grief. The latter will allow you to control yourself in the face of your ex, regardless of the feeling that drives you at the precise moment. Above all, don't be angry or show that his presence affects you.
Besides, with all the work done so far, you won't really need to pretend. You're already getting better, all you have to do is get the better of small details. For short, show your ex that you're okay. The latter will feel uncomfortable if it turns out that it was he who was the basis of your breakup. Whatever their reaction may be, show your ex that you are no longer willing to let yourself be taken down by any kind of romantic disappointment.

4th tip: getting back in a relationship
You may not know it, but the breakup isn't all bad. Indeed, it will allow you to become aware of certain qualities that you didn't know existed. It represents a springboard to a new life with much more wisdom and maturity. You realize that being in love doesn't mean dropping everything for your partner. Don't regret any of the things you did for your ex, because yes, it is by accepting the past that we manage to move on.
However, know that you still deserve to be loved. Know it is when you least expect it that you will meet the love of your life. This new story might as well be with a new person as with your ex. It could be that not everything is lost with the latter. The most important thing is to tell you that breaking up is not inevitable. Life goes on after this one.


#thoughtprovoking