FatzinWonderland

· 26 Jan 2020

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loving me loving you

Don't get me wrong, everyone is free to have there own opinion. I am personly studying to become a children's councillor /therapist



How do you talk to your nearest and dearest children spouse parents?.

Are you aware of how certain tones of voice or the way you express your words are put together, can harm more than promote affection?.
if you want to be treated right treat others the way you want to be treated . an article on how to express that feeling of love with positive REIMBURSEMENT........
How we express our emotions has an effect on our nearest and dearest, has a big influence over there reaction to expresses his or her love for you depends on how you express your love for him or her. They and you are the role models for each other. example parents for children, spouses for each other... When you express your love, it improves your relationship with that person. She or he will feel confident in your love and with that confidence begin to grow into the person, it is written that they become. There’s nothing like being loved to boost self-esteem. There are many different ways to express your love. You can do it both verbally, visually and physically...

In my research of ¨The Sunnah of Prophet Mohammed (saw)¨.I have come to realise that he constantly shows us how he was. Not only expressive in terms of love with his wives and friends, but also with the children. So following are some ways you can recreate the Sunnah of Rasoeloelulah (saw) and see your bonds with your nearest and dearest blossom in shaa Allah


Pronounce your love
By saying “I love You” more often
The first thing that easily comes to mind when you think of telling someone that you love them is to say “I love you”. Three simple little words that are sometimes so hard to say but can have the power to strengthen relationships into a tight bond. If you love your nearest and dearest (and of course you do), then let them know through words as well. Say “I love you” often.

Allah’s Messenger (saw) asked three times “Where is the small (child)?” Then he said, “Call Al-Hasan bin `Ali.” So Al-Hasan bin `Ali got up and started walking with a necklace (of beads) around his neck. The Prophet (saw) stretched his hand out like this, and Al-Hasan did the same. The Prophet (saw) embraced him and said, “0 Allah! l love him, so please love him and love those who love him.” [Bukhari]

Through positive tones and words
Respect is a two-way street and when you choose to model mutual respect, you’ll be well on your way to raising respectful children in sha Allah.

`A’isha, the Umm al-Mu’minin,(the mother of the believers)is said to of said, “I did not see anyone who more resembled the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, in the manner of speaking than Fatima. When she came to him, he stood up for her, made her welcome, kissed her and had her sit in his place. When the Prophet came to her, she stood up for him, took his hand, made him welcome, kissed him, and made him sit in her place. She came to him during his final illness and he greeted her and kissed her.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 971]

This is a perfect example of how people should be treating each other. This stems from how children treat parents based on how they are treated because as parents, we are their first school of love rule and compassion. In this world of tests from Allah (swt), a world where we lack common courtesies, how can we teach our children to be respectful?! Both respectful to us and other kids and adults? The answer is that WE have to model the respect we hope to see from our children. When children feel valued and capable, they are less likely to engage in power struggles. Such as answering back, doing forbidden or doing the exact opposite of what is expected is away to get the attention that they desperately crave....experiencing this my self with my children it is hard to break the cycle but it is possible.

Love openly
A reassuring physical touch can make a huge difference to a person – one of the reasons Allah has given us a skin that can feel. So that we can feel Physical expressions of love includes touches such as kissing, hugging, patting of backs, stroking of heads, holding or squeezing of hands. It also includes non-touches such as encouraging gestures like the thumbs up and the smiling and a look in the eye. Allah’s Messenger (saw) showed his affection for them in many ways. He hugged them and patted them on the back. For example, He touched their heads, combing their hair with his fingers etc.





Through Kisses
“…Allah’s Messenger (saw) took Ibrahim (his son) and kissed him and smelled him…” [Bukhari]

The hadith that I came across that stuck out the most, shows how kissing your children or spouse/parent, has been related to the amount of mercy and kindness, love you have in your heart.

‘Aisha (may Allah (swt) be pleased with her) reported that there came a few desert Arabs to Allah’s Messenger (saw) and said: Do you kiss your children? He (saw) said: Yes. Then they said: By Allah but we do not kiss our children. Allah’s Messenger (saw) replied by saying: Then what can I do if Allah has deprived you of mercy? … love isn’t exclusive to small children only. they added: I then went with Abu Bakr into his home (carrying that saddle) and there I saw his daughter `Aisha Lying in a bed because of heavy fever and I saw her father Abu Bakr kissing her cheek and saying, “How are you, little daughter?” [Bukhari]

Through Hugs
‘Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: Said bin Harithah came to the Messenger of Allah (swt) when he was in my house. Said knocked at the door. The Prophet (saw) rose to receive him, trailing his garment. He embraced and kissed him. [Tirmidi]

Narrated Usama bin Zaid: Allah’s Messenger (saw) used to put me on (one of) his thighs and put Al-Hasan bin `Ali on his other thigh, and then embrace us and say, “O Allah! Please be Merciful to them, as I am merciful to them. ” [Bukhari]



Respect is a two-way street if you don't give it you tend not to receive and when you choose to use mutual respect it lets us be harmonious with each other, you’ll be well on your way to raising respectful children, supporting your spouse and Parents (may Allah be pleased with them) in sha Allah.







`A’isha, the Umm al-Mu’minine (the mother of the believers), said, “I did not see anyone who more resembled the Messenger of Allah (saw), may Allah bless him and grant him peace, in a manner of speaking than Fatima. When she came to him, he stood up for her, made her welcome, kissed her and had her sit in his place. When the Prophet came to her, she stood up for him, took his hand, made him welcome, kissed him, and made him sit in her place. She came to him during his final illness and he greeted her and kissed her.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 971]

I
As parents, spouses and children, we’re always spoiling our loved ones. Giving gifts is not about the material accumulation of toys and clothing or about satisfying our child’s whims and fancies for the latest things. Instead, it should be about the giving with love – whatever you give! Especially giving of our love. Anas ibn Malik said, “A woman came to ‘Aisha and ‘Aisha gave her three dates. She gave each of her two children date and kept one date for herself. The children ate the two dates and then looked at their mother. She took her date and split it into two and gave each child a half of it. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, came and ‘Aisha told him about it. He said, ‘Are you surprised at that? Allah will show her mercy because of her mercy towards her child.'”

A very good tip to try, which I have only recently implemented again as I realised I too am guilty of not being a perfect parent especially now both of my children read. If you give your child a toy, then make sure you spend time to play that toy with her. If you give your child a book, then make sure you sit and read that book to or with him. It’s more about the love that you can both share with that gift. Children often crave your attention more than the gift itself.

Prophet (saw) said, “Give gifts and you will love one another.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

Gift of loving nicknames/Kunya
Prophet (saw) used to call people around him with love – he would call them with the names and kunya that they liked best. For eg: Calling Zainab bint Salamah (his step-daughter) as “Zuwaynib”, calling Ali (RA) as “Abu Turaab”, calling Aishah (RA) as “Aish” or “Hurayrah” etc.



Thanks to https://www.wikipedia.org/ for pieces of information and explanations

kunya (Arabic: كنية‎, kunya)[1] is a teknonym in Arabic names, the name of an adult-derived from his or her eldest child.

A kunya is a component of an Arabic name, a type of epithet, in theory referring to the bearer's first-born son or daughter. By extension, it may also have hypothetical or metaphorical references, e.g. in a nom de guerre or a nickname, without literally referring to a son or a daughter.[2] Use of a kunya implies a familiar but respectful setting.



A kunya is expressed by the use of abū (father) or umm (mother) in a genitive construction, i.e. "father of" or "mother of" as an honorific in place of or alongside given names in the Arab world and the Islamic world more generally.[3]
Abū or Umm precedes the son's or daughter's name, in a genitive construction (ʼiḍāfa). For example, the English equivalent would be to call a man "Father of John" if his eldest son is named John. Use of the kunya normally signifies some closeness between the speaker and the person so addressed but is more polite than the use of the first name. The kunya is also frequently used concerning politicians and other celebrities to indicate respect.

A kunya may also be a nickname expressing the attachment of an individual to a certain thing, as in Abu Bakr, "father of the camel foal", given because of this person's love for camels.

When also using a person's birth name, the kunya will precede the proper name. Thus: abū Māzin Maħmūd, for "Mahmud, the father of Mazen" (as, for example, for Mahmoud Abbas). In Classical Arabic, but not in any of the spoken dialects, abū can change into the forms abā and abī (accusative and genitive, respectively), depending on the position of the kunya in the sentence.

In westernizations of Arabic names the words abū and abū l- are sometimes perceived as an independent part of the full name, similar to a given name.

Men who do not yet have a child are often addressed by a made-up kunya. Most often the name chosen comes from a popular name in history, the man choosing his kunya, although sometimes it would be the name of his father.

The following are some examples of widely used Kunya in the Arab world:

Birth Name Kunya
Khalid Abu Khalid
Waleed Abu Waleed
Ali Abu Ali
Hussein Abu Hussein
Muhammad Abu Muhammad
Yoosuf Abu Yoosuf
Ya'qoob Abu Ya'qoob
Khalil Abu Khalil
Ibraheem Abu Ibraheem







keeping humility when giving gifts
In my research, I have found that I as a Muslim should be conscious about treating my son and daughter equally and justly despite the seven-year age gap and that my son lives with his father.

Allah’s Messenger (swt) said, ‘Be afraid of Allah, and be just to your children.’ [Bukhari]

Spend lots of quality time together
It was narrated that Anas ibn Malik walked by some children and greeted them. He said, “The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, used to do that.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

When you spend quality time with your child/spouse/parent, it tells him/her that you love being with him/her. Being able to spend time with your loved ones is crucial to any relationship. I’ll explain also guilty as charged. I have realised that children crave their parent’s attention – whether negative or positive attention. Most of the time parents give their children negative attention by focusing on what their children shouldn’t do. This will only magnify the negative action. Parents (I included) should instead focus on giving children their positive attention. One way to do this is to spend quality (and even quantity) time together. It was narrated that Abu Taiya said: “I heard Anas Bin Malik say: The Messenger of Allah (swt) used to mix with us so much that he said to a little brother of mine: “O Abu `Umair, what happened to the Nughair (one of the narrators Waki` said that it means a bird that he used to play with).” [Ibn Majah]

Play / Pray with them
Children don’t understand the concept of hidden love. There not yet shallow (or at least they shouldn't be) Express your love openly for them in every little thing. Children thrive during play instead of being burdened with too much organisation and extra-curricular activities. Prophet Muhammad (saw) would have fun with the children, he would try to make them laugh and play with them – Sunnah encourages simplicity; a simple life with plenty of time to play.

Narrated Mahmud bin Rabi`a: “When I was a boy of 5, I remember, the Prophet (saw) took water from a bucket (used for getting water out of a well) with his mouth and threw it on my face.” [Bukhari]

The Prophet (saw) was always patient and considerate with children. It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin Shaddad, this his father said: “The Messenger of Allah (swt) came out to us for one of the nighttime prayers, and he was carrying Hasan or Husain. The Messenger of Allah (swt) came forward and put him down, then he said the Takbir and started to pray. He prostrated during his prayer, and made the prostration lengthy.” My father said: “I raised my head and saw the child on the back of the Messenger of Allah (swt) while he was prostrating so I went back to my prostration. When the Messenger of Allah (swt) finished praying, the people said: “O Messenger of Allah (swt), you prostrated during the prayer for so long that we thought that something had happened or that you were receiving a revelation.’ He said: ‘No such thing happened. But my son was riding on my back and I did not like to disturb him until he had enough.'” [Nasai]

There is a famous saying attributed to Ali Ibn Ṭâlib that you should play with your children until they are seven years old, then teach them for the next seven, and befriend them for the next seven years. Ya’la ibn Murra said, “We went out with the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and we were invited to eat. Husayn was playing in the road and the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, raced the people and then spread out his arms. The boy began to run this way and that and the Prophet made him laugh until he caught hold of him. He put one of his hands under his chin and the other on his head and then embraced him… [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

It can be almost impossible. Be patient with them

The Prophet (saw) took a child in his lap for Tahnik (i.e. he chewed a date in his mouth and put its juice in the mouth of the child). The child urinated on him, so he asked for water and poured it over the place of the urine. [Bukhari]
So instead of getting angry for what the one has done (or being angry at the mother), he simply solved the situation. Prophet’s tolerance towards children tells how he never expected children to act like adults. He knew that children take time to grow and learn – and this is a process of Allah – to let life grow slowly and steadily. So when you feel angry (which is very natural),

follow THESE steps.

Instead of shouting at a small child/ spouse/ parent to not touch an object or to stay away from a dangerous area, all that while being ignored by the child/spouse/parent and then subjecting them to long speeches and lectures to correct their mistakes, try physically removing them from harm. Explain why with a soft tone.

Then briefly explain the whys of why it is more effective. Dates used to be brought to Allah’s Messenger (saw) immediately after being plucked. Different persons would bring their dates until a big heap collected (in front of the Prophet).

Once Al-Hasan and Al-Husain were playing with these dates. One of them took a date and put it in his mouth. Allah’s Messenger (saw) looked at him and took it out from his mouth and said, “do you not know that Muhammad’s offspring do not eat what is given in charity?” [Bukhari]

When our kids constantly see us angry with them because of what they did wrong, either they brand themselves as a bad kid (which is a wall to their positive growth) or they simply put us down as a bad parent in their mind (which is put off to our positive relationship with them).

The Prophet (saw) said, “The best women are the riders of the camels and the righteous among the women of Quraish. They are the kindest women to their children in their childhood and the more careful women of the property of their husbands.” [Bukhari]
Prophet Muhammad (saw) would use a combination of physical touch and gentle reprimanding words to make kids realize their mistakes. He knew that it is natural for little kids to get distracted from an errand by other children’s street games. Anas said: the Messenger of Allah (saw) was one of the best of men in character. One day he sent me to do something, and I said: (wallahi) I swore by Allah that I would not go. But in my heart I felt that I should go to do what the Prophet (saw)of Allah (swt) had commanded me; so I went out and came upon some boys who were playing in the street. All of a sudden the Messenger of Allah (swt) who had come up behind caught me by the back of the neck, and when I looked at him he was laughing.

He said: Go where I ordered you, little Anas.

I replied: Yes, I am going, Apostle of Allah!

Anas said: walahi I swear by Allah, I served him for 7 or 9 years, and he never said to me about a thing which I had done: Why did you do such and such? Nor about a thing which I left: why did not do such and such? [Abi Dawud]

Let Go…
Not leave, only if the situation is dangerous, but stay and has hard as it maybe tries and let go of any irritations and expectations of each other.

Narrated Umm Khalid: (the daughter of Khalid bin Sa`id) I went to Allah’s Messenger (saw) with my father and I was wearing a yellow shirt. Allah’s Messenger (saw) said, “Sanah, Sanah!” (`Abdullah, the narrator, said that ‘Sanah’ meant ‘good’ in the Ethiopian language). I then started playing with the seal of Prophethood (in between the Prophet’s shoulders) and my father rebuked me harshly for that. Allah’s Messenger (saw) said. “Leave her,” and then Allah’s Messenger (saw) (invoked Allah to grant me a long life) by saying (thrice), “Wear this dress till it is worn out and then wear it till it is worn out, and then wear it till it is worn out.” (The narrator adds, “It is said that she lived for a long period, wearing that (yellow) dress till its colour became dark because of long wear.”) [Bukhari]

THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF FRIVELESS LIFE
Please Know that love is in little things. Sometimes it’s in words, like the little message a few times a day to your spouse. Sometimes it’s in hugs and kisses. Sometimes it’s in gifts. Sometimes it’s in smile and laughter. Sometimes it’s in letting go!

So much of the peaceful parenting lies in letting go…

Letting go of the mess they make in the area you just cleaned,

Letting go of the wall they painted out of creative curiosity.

Letting go of the book they drew on out of imaginative spur.

Letting go of the bad grades they scored in school,

Letting go of small irritations

Letting go of expectations

And the list goes on…

Remember that the blessed angels are not even writing that of a child “sins” yet (till they aren’t adults), even if they deliberately break a precious piece of crockery, or touch anything in our cupboards or drawers that we have kept strictly off-limits – but they are surely writing YOUR words and actions.

The realisation of letting go is a daunting prospect, but our parents and their parents and so on have been finding solutions together to try to make it that little bit easier. It doesn’t mean spoiling your child, spouse, parent but it simply means not spoiling ourselves in the process. Not burying our kind hearts in the process. Not forgetting to be patient in the process. Not losing our temper in the process which is easier said than done…they say patience is a virtue......

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Asalamalakium Rahmatullah wabarakatoe may the peace, mercy and blessings of swt be upon you all. #religious writing
Khadija out