I was looking in my blogs and I found out I hadn't written yet.farThe day Robin and I went to the cemetery at night on a day when the deceased were commemorated.

Then Daddy was dead.

Imore than two years ago, Robin's father died. Robin was a fary small man back then. I did tell Robin honestly what happened and that Daddy's dead. Robin couldn't go to the funeral because he (no matter how loud it sounds) is crying and screaming. He wouldn't understand anything and just want to be with me and run laps and I know a lot more. I would have caused him a lot of frustration and no one could take him from me at that time to comfort him. He said we should leave, and it would have gone completely wrong. With a lot of pain, trouble and sorrow, I brought him to the nursery that day, and he was so familiar there and I knew he would be in safe hands. I planned the funeral at the time I knew I could bring it there myself and pick it up myself. I knew there was a memorial night efary year for survivors who had to let go of someone. That's where Robin and I belong, too. I haven't been able to do the last few years, even with Robin. It worked out last year.

A remembrance night.

So I wanted to go to this memorial night last year. I had a feeling Robin could handle it. I thought I'd just do it. So I explained to Robin what I wanted and that he would come with me. I bought him a candle that he could put for Dad and help light. He was allowed to pick out a flower for Daddy, and so did I. These two flowers I wanted double. For home one set and one set for the cemetery/crematorium. I explained to Robin what a cemetery was and I explained (again) half what a crematorium was. Usually I tell Robin that there's dust made from Daddy's body. That's a little softer than when you say ash.

For daddy.

When you get to a cemetery, you take off your hat. Robin and I both wear helmets on the bike, so I told Robin to take off our helmets out of respect for the people who are dead. We took off our helmets and these in our backpacks. We walked up to the people who were there and we were allowed to pick out a candle. I asked Robin if he wanted to use his own candle or a candle standing there. He wanted to use his own candle. I also got a candle. We also got a red rose. In addition, we got an explanation about what there was to do and about the route. The route was plotted this was lit with torches and braziers. This was a bit dangerous with a child like Robin but I was careful and we came safely to the crematorium, in the room where Robin's father stood almost 2 years before. On the route we could decorate a butterfly made of wood. I let Robin decorate the butterfly. I asked him if I would write on the butterfly “For daddy, from.." He thought that was a good idea. So I did. There was a trapfor Robin, and we hung that butterfly together in the tree. Where he wanted it to be. I stood behind him. So we continued our way until we arrived in the crematorium. There they were singing and piano played. First we lit our candles. I brought a lighter that belonged to his father. Robin was allowed to help light his candle and I lit my candle in front of me. We put the flowers down, and then Robin went to investigate what was going on around him. The pianist was interesting and so was the singer. I stayed next to Robin and tried not to get him too close. When a poem was recited, the singer came to meet Robin and asked for his name. Now the turmoil was gone and we could sit quietly again when there was piano playing and vocals again.

to the bikes.

When we went from the crematorium back to the route we had time for chocolate milk and some goodies but on the way out this was difficult because we (Robin) had a goal and that was the flowers and the candle lay down, put down and light. Then it's hard to wait longer but on the way back there can be more. It really started to be time to go home especially because Robin had to go back to school the next day. Robin was in his bed late that night, but we were both in a nice and good way touched by this evening.