Lilith Rose

@lillithrose · 23 Oct 2022

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She's my heroin.

“Get outta that Chair, its my brothers chair”
Eddy Valiant yells at the cartoon rabbit who just wants to put his butt in the chair.
When I look at the place where, until a while ago, there was often a blonde thing, with one leg in a kind of triangle over the other leg.
That place is no longer filled with this apparition.
But the place is not empty either, there is a soft sound and 2 legs stretch out when two half-open eyes look at me before they close again, while two arms also stretch”

“Nice stretch” escapes my lips when I look at the little black kitten who, on certain days, has almost taken permanent residence from that spot, and only shows signs of life when it's stretching, or when it's hungry, just like it's stretching now, or when it's hungry.

I pull my legs up more and make sure that the Fleece blanket now also comes over my feet when my eyes look back to the TV screen, and I suddenly understand Eddy's outburst.
When the cartoon rabbit named “Roger Rabit”, trembling, takes his hand off the chair, 3 fingers remain in the dust on the backrest.
My eyes go back to the little animal that is now cuddling her tail in that spot, the “bend” of my Corner sofa, a place where I never understood the appeal of.

The sofa was placed in such a way that you can rest the TV in the spot near the arm. could see the best, my spot.
If I were a little more philosophical or poetic, I would have said, “The curve is the symbol of being between two worlds”
When my hand enters the paper bag on the table in front of me, two golden eyes open.
“Nothing escapes you either, huh” the eyes blink, and there is movement from the animal in that spot.

In the background, I hear a weasel laughing and a man dressed in black clothes saying that laughing is dangerous. I sigh because I can also understand this character. for a reasonable amount of time, I also thought that laughter, fun, was “Dangerous”.

Because you see, that spot where Cosmic Creepers is now sitting right on and looking at me with a look that you would expect from a kitten who has just woken up from her sleep by the sound that “Sweets” can mean, was almost permanently occupied by a bleached little lady until a while back on days, Edwige, whom I always lovingly called a “thingy”.

This is because Edwige always said that we were not a “thing”, but rather a collection of different “things”.
Cosmic Creepers makes her way over to me and rolls into a ball when she snuggles against my leg. I give her a pet, and turn her “On” when a loud purring sound comes out of the small fur package.

I'm looking back at the TV. and can only think “a collection of different things”.
We never really broke up, didn't take a break, because there was nothing “together” or “started” that required things like breaks or separation, because it was a collection of different things.

When I feel the trembling of Cosmic Creepers against my leg, my mind goes to her again, and I hear the big graying teddy bear sigh at work. “She was your heroin, you think you need her, and you shouldn't have a good time because you're afraid she'll see you like that and think you won't need her anymore. “I'm watching Cosmic Creepers again “And I know you're right little one, but whatever she did was save me like I saved her, and we're not seeing each other right now”

I'm not finishing my sentence, not that I don't dare or can do it, it's more that I don't want it. I close my eyes and notice that the spinning is getting less.
I move my hand back to the fur mutt and when I touch it I hear “I need to change your batteries, I see, you won't stay on for as long”
a smile curls into my lips again.
and I use my other hand to reach for my phone.
“Do you want to watch a movie again, just do a nice thing”

Before I know it, this text is in my screen with the small [sent] below and a gray check mark.
“see is your heroin” I hear in the back of my head again.
My eyes are looking at that check mark, hoping that it will change color and that the check mark multiplies.

I put my phone down again, when I sigh when Tina Turner blares across my room. “We don't need another hero”
I'm looking at that spot again.

“you may not be Tina, but I could use one though, not that it's going to happen”
I pick up my phone again and turn it on “Jah seems nice” I get back.
My heart takes a small leap as Tina Turner continues “We don't need to know the way home”

I smile, I feel “saved” again when I read those words. She may not have a cape, but “Shes my Heroine”