#herfst

I've clenched my teeth and in my head I've already grabbed the person over me and shouted to them to shut up when I try to explain something to them.
Luckily for them, I have my own control, luckily
for me, there is a telephone line between the two of us.

When I take a deep breath, suck in my lungs through my nose and lean back, the other person on the line complains about the state of service these days.

When I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up with a smile, the office “Dad” stands with me, “Is he going” He asks softly and I nod. I give him a snicker when he stands there with his mug with K*T on it, a joke between him and a friend of his.

When the person on the other end of the line with a lot of sighs and supports disconnects, I rub my eyes and pull my headset out of the system.
“Last calls” he says with a smile when I pack my things.
I give him a smile and he goes back to his place, and also starts packing his things, after all, we work the same hours.

When another colleague comes in, I see his body language, he really likes her but does nothing, and I know why.

When I think about this and step into the stairwell, I look out and see the change of color in the trees, when I step out of the building, the cold “dirty” wet wind also welcomes me to the outside world. I turn on my music and walk out into the world.

When I see him get on the other train, I give him a wave and he waves back.
Now hiding in my bubble of peace and quiet and music at the same time, I look out the window, and I think of the office Dad again when I see the fallen leaves rushing through the window and I just forgot about the angry caller for a very short moment.

Short because someone plops down loudly next to me, looks at me, when I look at them too.
“Yes, baby, this place was free and I also just paid for a seat”, I am shared. I look outside again, I don't care what the person sitting next to me thinks and wants.
I close my eyes and surrender to the music for a moment and for a moment I feel like one of the leaves rushing through the window.

It's all autumn, it's all about it, Autumn is a contradiction, it's calm, something serene, but also something chaotic, there are more storms, the weather is more turbulent, but if the weather is good, it might be the best season the planet has.
A season of coming together, not sitting around the stove inside like in the winter, but just sitting outside, turning on the Swedish torch and sitting around the fire, having a drink and mostly being together.

And that's why I'm reminded of the office, Dad, he's the type that helps everyone, and when I look at him, I also see loneliness, or maybe more loneliness.
At that moment, I also hear my father's voice in my head: “The person who helps others the most is often the one who can use the most help, and that's why they help others, not to get it back themselves, but to make sure others are not in the situation they want to be in”

The train stops and I get up, the person next to me looks at me “Oh do you have to get out”
I give a nod.

I bury my hands in my pockets and feel one of the appie's World Cup badges, when I raise it I see that it's the #onelove badge is. I put it back in my pocket and feel the rain starting to trickle softly.

People run past me like the rain is the worst thing that can hit them.
I arrive home wet and greet the person on the couch, “Is it raining” Is the question I get. “I look at her and smile, “No, I thought I'd try the outdoor shower”

When I put my wet clothes in the washing machine and take a shower and look at the tree next to my spot through the shower window, I see a leaf sitting against the window and I get the question, “Would she know he likes her” and I laugh, everyone always shouts that spring is the time of love, but they're wrong, it's autumn, that's the real time of love.

Because isn't love just the end of something and the beginning of something else?


When I work in a bathrobe and climb onto the couch next to the little lady and give her a kiss, she opens the blanket she wrapped around herself. and I crawl in.

YES, that's autumn, the season of warmth, not because it's getting hotter and you can go outside again, but the season when you're looking for warmth, and isn't that true love?



Shut up when I'm talking to you.

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