Always the same fucking mistakes. The same fucking trust issues. Every damn time I get hurt for believing in something I know is not going to work. But I try nevertheless. Still hoping. And every time my heart gets broken again. By now I know it's not you it's me. But I still want to believe it's possible. I still want to prove to you it can work. But every time you fail me. Or I fail myself. Whoever fails the other, it doesn't matter. I always end up broken and hurt. It's like we're not speaking the same language. Sometimes we do tho... Whenever someone else is in the picture. But when we get back together, it all just falls apart again. Like that what once was, was never there.
Maybe that's why it never worked out between us. Let all those sunflowerpower freaking hippies talk about love whatever they want. It's not for us. Not between us. Not anymore.
Why do I still want to believe it? Do I like living in the past? The past was terrible, but lately it's all I can think of. What if I, what if you, what if... we
What if I said yes, that other day?
How would the things be today? If I said yes.
I've asked you why you've asked me in the first place. You pointed out that the situation you were in that moment, was the same as I am in now. He had to choose, and well, we both know we can't. We can't choose. We want everything, or nothing at all.
And well, if you want it all, at least you should try to achieve that. Because a dream can't be reached until you've tried. Until you're encountered every goddamn obstacle in your way.
I want to crush your dreams. Because you've already crushed mine. But I could never do the horrible things you're doing to me right now. I just want to crush your dreams. But you...
You are already destroying mine, and after that? You're building them right back up again. Like nothing ever happened. Like they never fell apart. I know it happened. I've made pictures of it, I can see the memories in my head. Playing them over and over again, holing on to something I hope isn't the truth. But y memories won't lie. And every time you build my dreams back up, you adjust them. Make them better, sweeter. So that if I ever look at them, I see what you can do. Or could...
I'm still living the lie with the hopes of a brighter future. But I know that if I want that. I will have to scrape you out of it. But I really don't want to. I want us to be friends until our to-do list becomes a have-done list. And well, we're still adding things to do. So that moment will never come.
But I'm scared, that one day I will finally have the courage to let you go, and have to find someone else to finish that list with. And the last thing I want on that list, is letting you go.