My husband died on 21st of July 2020, ......it is still feeling like a heavy blunt sword has been driven inside my heart and left there to stay.

I was in denial for so many days. I thought he would wake up..... maybe miraculously find him awake....or there was a mistake.

The pain of child birth is not prolonged for twenty four hours every day and night. A mother can be induced , a mother can be santured or C-section done.....and there would be a brand new bundle of joy besides her.

With death the pain is constant, it's so deep, delicate full of devil's poison.
It has left me raw, confused with a very tight nought tied around my heart .
And then I am expected to stay strong.....?To organize the funeral to fill in humourous documents and go round from one office to the next?

I can't sleep now yet I need to travel to the rural area of Siaya County to identify where my husband will be buried.
Then being a woman I am expected to fullfil some deep seated cultural norms...
I am going to bury my lover my way....I am going to mourn him my way....and if the area chief and assistant chief doesn't want to sign me papers to help with the funeral arrangements.......I am going to find another way and I am not going to attend a "kangaroo court" in their offices.......nor am i going to bribe them.

I am going to walk away.