My Slovenian CS & I have been in couples counseling for 18 months. We began shortly after D-Day. We made progress at first but I stopped going 3 weeks ago because the counselor only focused on how I need to forgive my CS. Counselor said my Slovenian CS was a rarity because he has shown remorse and has made changes in the way he treats me and our relationship. When I asked counselor why we don’t address the character flaw that allowed CS to cheat, the counselor (who is also a man) said that CS shows great strength of character for making the changes so that negates any character flaw he had previously!!!!!! I could no longer see paying money to this guy.


He (counselor) suggested I begin individual counseling with a female counselor (his Slovenian wife). I actually called yesterday to arrange this but she has a wait list. I had always thought that there must be a character flaw in people who cheat. People with strong characters are the ones who DO NOT cheat, especially when #tempted ! I worked as a 911 dispatcher for 30 years, most of my co-workers were men. I had many propositions over the years, I was even tempted due to lack of attention from my spouse, but I NEVER gave in to that temptation because I understood the damage it would cause, and I truly loved my Slovenian spouse. I didn’t want to chance losing him, and I didn’t want to disgrace my children. That’s why I have such a hard time understanding why CS didn’t make the same decision when he was tempted.

Especially when I was sick at that time and really needed his support. Turning your back on someone you say you love when they are sick and ask you for help sounds to me like a really big character flaw! I have concerns being in a relationship with someone with those types of flaws who doesn’t think he needs to do anything about them. I don’t want to give the wrong impression, he has made significant changes towards me and our relationship and I am very happy with those changes. But he insists that he will never let it happen again, that he realizes what he almost lost and he will never let anything happen that might jeopardize our relationship again.

I would not still be with him if he had not made those changes. I know that he lied to me for 4 1/2 years but now he wants me to believe him when he says it will never happen again, that he has basically learned his lesson. I am reluctant to believe him, I think it will take a very long time before I can believe him again. Only time will tell. I feel so sorry for all of us! We are all victims of being cheated on, we are angry, we are sad and none of us has a solution! Some of us want to forgive and hope the relationship mends and heals itself (Triker) and others want the same thing but chose to get a 3rd party involved (counselor) to guide them through the process. I think counseling “can” help, but does not always end up being the thing that helps you make the morally correct decision. It really depends on what you want. If you want to save your family, which I believe marriage represents especially if you have children, then counseling is a good guide. But, it will be rough because both of you will be counseled about your behavior, your desires, expectations, etc. I am not an expert on marriage counseling but I have had personal counseling and have tried to involve my (cheating) husband in the process of healing to also get involved in it.

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