The day you left

From the day you left, everyone treated me like I was some kind of bomb that could explode any minute. They were waiting for me to fall apart, to break, to become a mess. But I was fine. I was managing, thanks to the support from everyone around me. But as time passed, everyone just assumed that I was okay and that I was going to be fine, so, one by one, they went on with their lives and expected me to do the same. And that’s when I realised, I couldn’t. Because although I know it’s been a while, there’s something you need to know. I miss you. Not ‘I miss being around you’ or ‘I want to spend another moment together’. Just, I miss you. My heart may not hurt like it used to anymore, but I still get these memories of you. And when that happens, when there are so many thoughts that have nowhere else to go, they start pouring out. Sometimes out of my eyes, sometimes through the openings in my skin, sometimes through actions, and right now, through my fingertips out onto paper. It’s a way of letting go. I’m glad I had you for as long as I could, and I’m glad I have these memories of you and I together, but it’s time for me to move on.

So, I closed my eyes and made a wish. Because that’s what you do. It doesn’t matter if it’s because of a shooting star, or because you blow all birthday candles out in one breath. You make a wish. You don’t do it because you believe it will come true. You do it because you hope it will. There’s that small part of you that wants to believe that if you want it just badly enough, your wishes will come true. But that’s not how life works you know. You have to fight. You have to find someone or something that’s worth fighting for. It doesn’t matter if you find it in a friend, or in music, or in painting your entire house yellow. But if you find that thing – that one thing, that makes your life a little less miserable and a little more bearable – you will know how to fight. You will know, because this thing gives you this small sparkle of light, this sparkle of hope, that makes you question all the bad thoughts you’ve ever had.