The Fears

The Fears

For today, I will talk about fears and how to defeat them...

Today I will tell you the story that a friend lived, and that I take the time to write so that many others can know her story and learn from it. God bless you!

about the subject, I read that emotional wounds are like psychic injuries that in most cases announce what our quality of life will be like when we are adults. They are like loose and poorly healed fragments that prevent us from leading a fuller existence, and even make us feel limited in knowing how to face the challenges of everyday life with greater skill, calm and focus. Let's talk about why dependency and fear of LONELINESS, one of the things that terrified me the most. Without realizing it, it was the main enemy I lived with, and today I can honestly tell you that it WAS, because I already feel FREE. For many years, I couldn't sleep completely in the dark and the thought of sleeping alone at home filled me with panic. There was a time when I was left living totally alone. My eldest son went to study and work an hour and a half from where we lived, so it was convenient for him to move and live near his activities. The other two children, for economic reasons, send them to his father's house.
My food, God provided me with the clients I visited. They without knowing, were a blessing to me. Many of them did not buy the insurance, but they liked me so much that they turned that work appointment into a visit, as if I were a friend of theirs, and we had dinner together. Many times when I left the visit and got to my car, I cried but thanked God that I had a plate of food that day. I was so afraid of getting to that house where I lived, that I preferred to stay sleeping in the car, than to enter the house. Other times I would go to the office to sleep on the floor, since for some reason, I felt calmer there. ​ Sometimes I called my middle son crying, telling him, Andrés, I beg you, come tonight and accompany me. There came a time when I preferred to sell all the furniture in the house and raise the money for a deposit on a smaller house, which would give me security and peace of mind when sleeping. With the help of my eldest son, I thought I could achieve it, and in a certain way it was, but even with that fear that abandonment had left me with, making me feel immensely lonely.
Then I found a friend who experienced things like that, and on the nights he came home from work, he would call me. We talked about the day at work, about what hurt us and about my fear. He, as if he were an angel placed on the road, told me:-"Dona, you sleep peacefully, I'll be here, let's just put up with the snoring"-, and then we laughed. And it was like that for several months, until a cute furry companion came into my life, super affectionate, whom I called ASH! That puppy gave me an incentive to come home with joy and without fear. But the problem of fear and the emptiness of loneliness were still there. So I decided to study the subject, with the desire to understand the reason for many of my feelings and sufferings, I found that, who experienced abandonment in their childhood, it is common that in adulthood they experience a constant fear of living all this again. . Hence, for example, a HIGH ANXIETY appears to be abandoned by friends, children or partners.
How did I find out about it? By taking time alone to read, reflect and find myself. I felt the urgent need to make a change within myself. Making a short parenthesis I will tell you that now I can understand why some people say they need a spiritual retreat and go to India or other places away from noise and big cities. A place that fills you with great Peace. So how I understood what was happening to me and why I was living what I was living. Well, without thinking about it that way, I found that sabbatical space and time, when I arrived in November with my family, after the first 25 days lived in a beautiful apartment in the city with an incredible view, I felt like I was drowning, and I told one of my sisters: "Please take me to your farm, I need to know if I'm going to be there. It's very nice here, but I want to go to the country." I think I know that at first they were surprised, because I had always told them that I did NOT want to live alone or crazy, much less in a field. That one of them should go live with me while I was able to hire an employee to help me and be a company for me as well.
Well, she brought me and left very sad because I didn't come back with them or go for a walk by the end of the year. I felt strange, very different from the one who spoke to them on the phone from California. For my part, I was a little nervous, because I would stay in a large farm, old-style, super dark at night, but with a beautiful landscape and an incredibly beautiful sunrise in the morning. It makes me laugh because I am very cold and even though I prefer cold to heat, I loved this cold, being colder than the cold to which I am used to. Arriving here, the first week was somewhat strange. I slept late and woke up very early at 6AM, opened my bedroom door and sat outside on a couch with a blanket, my Tablet and my glasses. I looked at the mountains, I was looking for a topic to write about something that inspired me, but then I started writing and writing to the point that the hours passed and when I realized it, I said to myself: continue tomorrow, you must go to work. Today I can say that although some writings have brought tears to my eyes, I know that those tears are part of the peace and healing that I needed. Today I can say that I feel free from the fear of loneliness. I have been able to sleep alone with such incredible peace, without having the need for a light on or a person to accompany me. Today I can understand why my mother decided to stay alone. And although one day I expressed that I would not close myself to the opportunity to share my life with that being that God sent me, because I BELIEVE in love, and I BELIEVE that I can be the great love of a person, I can admit that I am enjoying this loneliness . I get up with so much happiness to read and write, I go for a walk, as I wish, I work without pressure and when night comes I enjoy a good movie and sleep peacefully and without any anxiety or worry.
Then I saw that I had begun to heal those fears. Continuing with the reading of Dr. Sharlene Wolchik, she expresses that: When the fear of moments of loneliness disappears, it is because you began to heal and overcome said traumas. So she advises that we begin to dialogue with ourselves in a positive and hopeful way. which I put into practice, and for my part I say that you are encouraged to find time or space alone for yourself. Schedule a retreat, even if you start with a weekend. Go with a heart and mind willing to talk to you, to read things that help you understand the reason for your traumas. And hopefully you can stay without a cell phone in that time alone with God and with you. Pray. Put that space in His hands, ask Him to give you understanding, guidance and love. We may not be able to take the year literally, but we can start with a weekend. Today my priority is not to look for another relationship, nor a person to rent with the excuse that this way I will help myself financially. Today I can tell you that what I did not experience when I was 19 years old, as a single and independent woman, enjoying dinners, going out to the beach with her friends or watching good movies and good readings, I will experience and enjoy now at 52 years old, because I learned from reading and reflection the reason for emptiness, the reason for fear. I wanted to face those fears and find a way to overcome and saturate them. Everything is in one, I check it and despite the fact that apparently the time to say "test passed" is short, in 3 months, believe me it is. Because what determines the "what or how" is NOT an amount of time or sections with the Psychologist. IT IS THE DESIRE THAT YOU HAVE to heal, find yourself, heal, what will make the change in you.


A hug to all...
Bella

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