The Florence Nightingale complex...

Translated from Dutch. View the original post here

#rescuerscomplex

Let's safe the world

I think that was the thought that wandered through my mind more than 20 years ago when I started my education and honestly, now is still a basic drive, even though I have become just a little wiser because of shame and shame now. After all, as a young 20er, I was hardly aware that this drive, no matter how generous at first sight, also has the necessary selfishness in it. Yes, you read that right EGOISM, a mild form of it but still.

After all, under this helping drive lies a deeper, psychological drive the drive to be needed and thus camouflage my own insecurity. I wasn't a top athlete, didn't have a super singing voice, was' ordinary 'in many areas. The eternal grey mouse that wasn't really handsome and not really thin. All I had was my sweet character and words that often allowed me to hit just the right chord. People felt good with me, came back I was needed, until I was no longer needed.

It took me years before I saw this through and another years not to fall into the same trap over and over again. and even today, I have to pay serious attention to it.
It is a learning process. So I try to leave the complex of the saving angel more and more behind me and that didn't go without the necessary war wounds. I had to cut down people who are draining me because of their manipulated. Others who felt I was too much in their energy, however well-intentioned, literally ripped away from me even those I didn't see it coming from, resulting in a bleeding soul as a result. And then I was alone, naked and alone.

YOU CAN'T SAVE ANOTHER.          
                                                                                                         
It was only then that I experienced this lesson in the flesh. I begged for someone who wanted to take the backpack off my shoulders and roared for someone who wanted to take over my sword. Okay, there were those who made some sort of attempt, but no one insisted. In hindsight, that also seems very logical, but then it only made the wounds worse. Until someone came up next to me and said very honestly, “I can't save you. But I'm really there for you. I'm your biggest support in the background and if you fall and all the rest is gone I'll help you right. I can't save you but I believe in you, in your inner strength with which you can save yourself” At first, I found that confusing and this also caused identity crisis 2. After all, if I can't save anyone, who am I. What is literally left of me. But along the way, I really climbed out of that dark pit baby step by baby step on my toes. At first, I found it very scary because his trust unwillingly put pressure on me. What if I fail. And the inevitable happened, I failed and he was still there and kept standing. Only then did I understand the lesson.

So let the Florence Nightingale go to yourself. After all, you can't save another. What you can do is really be there for another person and listen sincerely. The 'sparing partner' who thinks along, the rock in the surf where there can be disputes, but especially the one who continues to believe in the good and strength of the other person.

OFTEN THAT IS ENOUGH


The story witch,

Photo source: Florence Nightingale image on Pinterest