This poem is written for anyone struggling with the effects of sexual abuse. It's about the deep impact that the trauma can have on your daily life and relationships, especially when it comes to intimacy and trust. It expresses the inner struggle between the desire for connection and the anxiety that it evokes. 

If you recognize yourself in these words, know that you are not alone. This poem is there to show that your feelings, pain, and desires are understandable, even though you may often feel alone in this struggle. It's an acknowledgment of your experience and a reminder that recovery is possible, step by step, with patience and self-compassion.

Intimate

I've anchored it, yet it floats up again and again.
I need your help, can you promise me that?

You see that I am falling into decline over and over again.
I would like it so much, but I can't control it.

Of course, I need to be close to you.
Of course, you're right and intimacy is “just” nice.

Yet for me, no matter how much I want it,
being intimate scares me! 

There is one big reason for that.
The scars of a distant past.

It's been so long, I hear those words all too often
oftentimes.
Yet, those who speak this, don't know what I'm still doing every day
me make. 

I still have to fight every day, against memory and pain.
Still daily and it makes me small and small. 

I want to fight this, my life seems lost until
today.
But how to fight, that is still the question.

 

Still, it's never too late, answers are sure to come.
Even though I've just taken up the fight now.

Although I just decided that it was enough.
You should know that it still scares me.

I'll come back to you again, I can't do this alone.
I trust you completely and nothing else!

You are my husband and a soul mate you should be.
Still, I'm rejecting you because you want to be so intimate.

It seems like a long time, but it's still too early.
I can very well understand that you say “enough”!

Maybe you should leave me, maybe you should leave me
let go.
However, we can also fight together.

Understanding each other better is the best start.
But if you still want to fight, are you still in the mood?

I want to go for it, with or without you.
And don't get this wrong, you know I love you.

Still, I'm sure: I can't give until I'll be myself
accept.

I'm going to work hard at it and you know:

“It's time for me to learn this”

By: a Voice of Thought