I sit nervously on my chair sliding back and forth. I do have the time to do this? How will he react when he sees I'm writing. I can imagine it like that. What are you saying about me now? Who are you talking to? Are they back in your head? Do you need the attention?

I take the risk. He's still asleep. I guess.

I almost didn't sleep this night, although I'm tired of all days. But that's not the same fatigue either. My body is not tired, my head is tired, up, broken. Vaguely I remember how it used to be, how I made myself strong by looking in the mirror and telling myself the courage. We go for it, we can!

That's no longer succeeding. I don't recognize myself anymore,. A strange woman stares at me, eyes swollen, ungroomed, almost unkempt, sad, and aged,. how can a human grow so old in one year? She looks like she has no reason to move on anymore, no reason to fight or even try. I stop watching, would like to disappear all the mirrors so I don't get reminded. My inside came out, you see it from far away, I can't put it away. Something has to change.

The kids will be coming soon. I'll know it again. Then I'll remember why I'm moving on, why I can't give up. I must and will fight for them. Strange how to lose your always-pink-eyeglasses like this. How to find yourself in the dark, with no idea how to find your way back. Will the sun ever shine again?

Loading full article...
Cheers
Gift
Boost
Share to Whatsapp Share to Facebook Share to Pinterest Share to Twitter Share to Telegram Share to LinkedIn Share to Reddit Share with Email


Comment with a minimum of 10 words.
0 / 10
24 comments
different.but.normalx
Written so very strong ❤️ I feel your pain and your fighting spirit at the same time. Put it on!
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
willbelysy
I hope the author of this story has been able to overcome each of the distractors who did not let her live as it should be.
ReplyTranslated from Spanish Show original
Rudi
I think this is a bit heavy if this is a true experience of its own. It's very well written. I hope that, in the meantime, if this is your own experience, you've found all the sun back in your life.
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Just me
@Rudi luckily the sun is returning. A little bit more every day.
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Toto Animo
Depressions are heavy. I hope you'll get back on top soon.
But on top you definitely come.
We've all noticed that in our lives. Life isn't always easy. It's a battle
Lots of strength!
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Freli
It is a very strong topic the truth, that point where you feel that you lose control and that the pain takes over you as if something inside you is broken, even so from the pieces of you can rebuild the broken mirror.
ReplyTranslated from Spanish Show original
Zulaine Díaz
Try to overcome all the obtacles and entrust yourself to god ask him a lot with faith, and he will help you solve all your problems
ReplyTranslated from Spanish Show original
MAGALY
We've all had some hard times, but you never have to give up and especially when you have great motivators (your kids).
ReplyTranslated from Spanish Show original
Mieke Van Liefde
The recovery can only begin when you have stopped the situation that is doing so. I would like to advise you to inform you about codependence: https://yoo.rs/codependentie-codependentie-en-relatieverslaving-1587761888.html?Ysid=65153
Codependentie en relatieverslaving
Codependentie en relatieverslaving
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Dana
Intense and painfully recognizable. There's a lot of hidden in this piece of text. A mixture of a tear, a smile and a little bit of hope that someday it will work out. That one day you recognize yourself in the mirror, not that dark one, but the powerful
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
fanny
Somewhat strong the writing but you have reasons to come out of that darkness are your children, focus on them to see the sun shine .
ReplyTranslated from Spanish Show original
Rosita&Charlene-Blogs-Creaties
There will always be people who will understand you will start to support you. I like this very well written hear.
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Animal lover crea D
First, there is always hope and there are always people who support you, but talk or write it off of you, that's what I do on Yoors and I have a lot of strength.
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Chalija
Your gut comes across. Persists and talks about it, writing you already do. Also a nice way of writing you off. And yes the kids. Strength with everything.
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Niria
This writing is very sad you have a depressive state hopefully who you hope can help you overcome lox
ReplyTranslated from Spanish Show original
Ernesto Amador
Whoever wrote this, I'm sorry to say it: but there's kind of a depression problem.
ReplyTranslated from Spanish Show original
ELINA RICKURA
Many of us go through hard times and sometimes we stop understanding why it happens precisely to us. No doubt you're strong and you have reason to move on. have faith and you will look in the mirror again with pride.
ReplyTranslated from Spanish Show original
Marc
Certainly never be undermined by a situation or a relationship that went down and on the rocks. Learn from it and build renewal and faith, first with yourself. Very brave and highly written story that comes across as pretty sad. Strength and Success.
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Leo 1
A truly sad report that you have put in words well
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Encaustichris
Oh, dear man, I sincerely grant you come out of this. Get help, you'll need. Strength!
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Hans van Gemert
Very well written, a tricky situation. But there's hope, always. With Help.
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Rudy Siedlecki 🌳
Distressing How a Bad Relationship Can Pull You Down.
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original
Maria
very well written you can see the emotions, congratulations on your post
ReplyTranslated from Spanish Show original
Dewaputra
Well written. This way you write your way up, where the light glows.
ReplyTranslated from Dutch Show original