They only hit until you cry And after that you don't ask why

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Lilith Rose

@lillithrose · 28 Mar 2022

They only hit until you cry And after that you don't ask why

(TRIGGER WARNING)
I'm going to talk about a heavier topic, but 1 which is very important.

at the bottom of the post I will share some links if after reading this post you feel the need to speak to someone. and also some left if you feel like someone you know is in the situation I'm going to talk about.

—

“That's my wife, take her name out of your f***ing mouth” this is shouted by Will Smit at the Academy awards, shortly before Chris Rock made a rather tasteless joke about Mrs Jada Pinkett Smith.
But here it doesn't end next. Mr Rock makes some other jokes, Will Smith walks on stage. and punches him in the face.

If Will Smit then wins an Oscar for Best Actor, he gets a standing ovation. The only thing that stands on my feet are my neck hair.

I heard his speech, and with fingers buried pretty deep in my couch, I heard him say “Love makes you do crazy things”

next to me I hear growling, “Does he really say that now? “
I can't really believe it myself, so I rub her hair and nod “Looks like it”

Edwige stands up shakes her head, and said “I'm done with it” and I get her.
I myself can't walk away from this, so I change channels and set up a movie.

While watching the movie, I suddenly have to think of knowledge of me Luca, named after the song Luka, by Suzanne Vega.
an acquaintance that the mother thought was a romantic song, and when she had her daughter the name gaav, not knowing what the act was really about.

A song about a woman who is a victim of domestic violence.
something that is very common, too often.

When I sit right up and put my feet under the fleece blanket and take another sip of the good night's sleep tea, another shiver comes across my back.

“Love makes you do crazy things”

I get edwige her reaction, her Conversion camp experience is something that will stay with me.
But she is not the only one I know though, that victim, or so as it is called itself, survivor, of such “love”

the stories that that knowledge told me leave the hair in my neck standing up again.
the stories of her partner who indicated that he loved her so much that he couldn't do without her, but had little trouble flapping his hands.
That those bruises on her shoulders were only the consequences of that love, that she didn't realize how much he loved her. And that those slaps she got from him were because he just loved her so much and that she had done something that made it look like he didn't love her so much.
So that it was her own fault.

There are some chills running down my back and I focus on the movie again, however this is not very long when my phone vibrates and I look at why suddenly there is so much action.
on one of the social media, it seems like a dyke has cracked.
People who joke, people who seem to praise Will Smit into heaven for “getting up for his wife” yet other shouting “Jah that's how you deal with bullies”

The latter reminds me of Kate, an American acquaintance I met here when she was aupair here.
a lady with a story that had my stomach reversed the first time I heard.

she told me about a school friend of hers, who was bullied very much, people had told this school guy that the best solution was to whack that bully is just good, “then he'll stop”
A piece of advice that was listened to, and one day when she couldn't handle it, she hit him, and again and again, it ended with a broken nose in front of the bully and later with a bullet through her head.
This is because a day after this happened, the bully stood on her doorstep, her mother called her down, and after she asked him why he was at her house, he pulled a gun and shot.

Now I won't expect this to happen in the situation of Chris Rock and Will Smit, but the words on the social media will keep me busy. I think it's such a scary thought.

Violence is never the solution, violence is not love, is never love.
Will Smit also didn't have to “stand up for his wife” at all, which screamed at Chris Rock here should have been enough.
and Yes Chris Rock h shouldn't make that joke either, but that's no excuse to sell someone a punch.

when i read through i see people saying “He apologized”
there are some things happening with excuses, but they're not made.
“Love Makes You Do Crazy Things” Isn't Making Your Excuses, It's Looking For An Excuse.
it's a but a word that almost always knew what comes before.

“I never eat meat, but have eaten a steak”
So you did eat meat.

Why did someone who used abuser excusses for violence get a standing ovation?

Had it been the same if Chris Rock had been someone like Whoopi Goldberg?
they had just done as if it was ok?
or was it ok because it was a man?
That last thought also comes from a person I know.
As I said in an earlier post, I have a large number of acquaintances with mental problems but also abuse pastes, some with both.

Because you see, domestic violence is not only a problem that women encounter, it also happens a lot in men.
1 of my friends is such a man, when you see him, big guy hard voice. you know, type of lumberjack. But also someone who has had partners who physically abused them.
and when he wanted to report and tell this he ran into a wall, a wall of misunderstanding. a wall of excuses, like “you'll have earned it” and “a woman doesn't just hit” or, it was his fault that he was mistreated.
a sentiment that also seems to come back to bullied children very often, that they can do something about it that they are bullied.

But that's not the case.

if someone is abusing you in any way. mental, physical, sexual. you never have to blame for this yourself.
just as much as a slap in the face isn't an acceptable response to a totally misplaced joke.

“They only hit until you cry
And after that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore”

Is not the solution.

—

and here then the promised links.

If you suffer from domestic violence yourself, or suspect someone of being a victim of this, you can follow these links.

https://www.slachtofferhulp.nl/gebeurtenissen/huiselijk-geweld/aangifte-doen/

https://www.fier.nl/ik-zoek-hulp/spanning-in-huis-door-agressie

https://www.ikvermoedhuiselijkgeweld.nl/

Do you suffer from bullying or do you know someone who is a victim of this ?

http://meldpuntpesten.nl/

https://www.rijksoverheid.nl/onderwerpen/veilig-leren-en-werken-in-het-onderwijs/vraag-en-antwoord/pesten-waar-kan-ik-terecht

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They only hit until you cry And after that you don't ask why

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