Breasts growing, veins became visible and my belly showed cramps that I normally don't have before I get my monthly period. Subconsciously, I knew what was going on, but I still tried to talk myself into it that it wasn't. In my head, the thoughts played that I was hypocritical, because the desire for a fourth child has always been present, but physically would require a lot of me. Meanwhile we are accustomed to the idea that we are pregnant with our fourth child and we are overjoyed with this
Welcome new life, unexpectedly pregnant
We have always had the wish for a large family, since childhood I saw myself as a mother of four children. The cosiness in the house, and sometimes the grumbling against each other, I knew I was put in the cradle for it. And my husband shared this wish, however, the previous pregnancies did not all go by themselves, at the first at the end of the pregnancy I only got pelvic complaints started these complaints at number two many times earlier even at 16 weeks, and at number three I sat from 11 weeks already in the disease law. The pain I felt during that pregnancy I never wanted to go through again, at the end of the number three pregnancy, I couldn't walk whole days, and I had to be transported in a wheelchair. As a blow to the flare, the child also turned out to be an eight ponder and a star viewer, because of this it was also the most difficult delivery I had. But it was worth it, fortunately, the pelvic complaints recovered well after childbirth, only once a month when my hormones get through my body it could return in a mild variant, but never as violently as during pregnancies. Because of these pelvic complaints, I and my husband had to let the wish for a fourth child pass us by... Of course we talked about it again, but we came to the conclusion again and again that it would not be wise for my body to continue our wish.
October 2020 my body started to send signals that this time I was not going to get my monthly period, but that something completely different was going on. My gut at that moment, honestly? Feared, uncertain but also certain joy overmanded me. How would everyone react, what would the other three kids and my husband think? A fourth baby, while my body might not be able to handle it at all. Women who are hard to get pregnant, even in my immediate vicinity, and I get pregnant with one unsafe sex right away. We were always very accurate with contraceptives, but this time I had a shorter cycle than usual, unexpected and just this time it happens to us. October 18th I dared to do the first pregnancy test, and a thick second stripe appeared almost immediately. You couldn't get around it, you didn't have to squint, he just stood there. Just to be sure, a test of clear blue that indicates whether or not you are pregnant, and yes “pregnant” appeared within the reading period. Tears of joy and fear flooded me, I was thankful that even though we did not consciously choose, my body decided to take it again to conceive. Our wish would come true. I just know that if my body couldn't handle it, I would never have gotten pregnant either. The same day I told my husband and he also indicated that he already noticed something about me. We called our midwife and I expressed that I had the feeling that I was much further than the day of my probable last menstruation, and that turned out to be the same in the ultrasound. The day I thought I had my monthly period, I turned out to be pregnant already a week. And so it's the first baby I've experienced a nesting bleed with.
The weeks after the positive test went all but by itself, the toilet was my best friend. I got up and went to bed with nausea and vomiting, my breasts were popping up and wearing bras was painful. And the endless fatigue, I watched the hours on the clock ahead and lay on bed by default at 20.00 to sleep all night until the next morning 7.30. But I had to go on, no one we wanted to tell besides my husband, it was our secret for a while. In the course of the weeks I got questions from people what was going on with me, apparently I looked bad? I waved the questions away. I wasn't ready to tell you, we had to get used to the idea that there was a little miracle growing in my belly. After the first good ultrasound at 9 weeks we told the children, and then the grandpa and grandmothers and only then the rest of the friends and our work. Luckily, people all reacted pretty positively, even though no one had seen it coming. The fear of the reactions of others would not have been necessary at all, but of course you never know that beforehand.
The 15 weeks we have passed and we have already had several beautiful echoes, the heart has already heard several times and seen it beating, and the little one has already let me enjoy his presence a few times by gently tickling along the inside of my belly. Whether it's your first second, third or fourth pregnancy, the feeling of the first movements how soft in the beginning still is, it remains a special feeling. My energy is starting to come back slowly, and the nausea is much less than the first 14 weeks. In the next few weeks we are going to count down to the sex test because we are very curious whether we are going to welcome a fourth boy at the end of June or whether the big brothers and we are going to be surprised with a mini girl. Whichever sex the little one will have, both are welcome, a childhood wish from us which we had actually tucked away with a tear is fulfilled by fate, and we are so grateful for that.
This is also the main reason of my temporary yoors absence, I literally lacked energy to crawl at the computer to write or read. But I didn't forget you all, I'm slowly trying to write and read more.
Lots of love Sabrina
Source images: pixabay