What is the Language of Love?

The five love languages as told by Dr. Gary Chapman are gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch.

Do you ever feel like your partner doesn’t understand you? Or maybe you keep doing all these nice things for them, but they never seem to appreciate it. The problem could be the love language you are using.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The 5 Love Languages, different people feel loved differently. This means that what makes you feel loved may not have an impact on someone else. After years working as a marriage therapist, Dr. Chapman summarized the language of love in 5 categories.

1.    Words of Affirmation

Words of affirmation mean verbal acknowledgment, words of appreciation, compliments, verbal encouragement, and frequent “I love you’s”. In this digital age, words of affirmation can also be done via text or social media. To someone whose love language is affirmation, frequent compliments and nice words make them feel validated, heard, seen, and appreciated.

2.    Quality Time

People whose language of love is good old quality time feel most loved when you deliberately want to spend time with them. It could be something menial like hanging out in the house watching Netflix together or doing outrageous things like hiking. They have a strong desire to spend time with you doing things you enjoy and having talks.

3.    Acts of Service

When your language of love is acts of service, you feel most loved when your partner goes out of the way to ease your life. This includes stuff like bringing you coffee in the morning, picking up your dry cleaning, doing dishes for you, taking your car to the car wash, and so forth. In their mind, actions speak louder than words, and that includes small and big things.

4.    Physical Touch

The fourth love language is physical touch, including holding hands, hugs, kissing, cuddling, and sex. To someone whose love language is physical touch, putting your hand on theirs or their knee when both of you are busy with something else can be extremely affirming. Experts say the root of this need stems from how a child was shown love as a toddler.

5.    Gifts

Last but not least, some people feel loved the most when their partner buys them thoughtful gifts. The idea that someone took the time to go to a jewelry store, chose a nice necklace and matching earrings for you can be heart-warming. More often than not, it is not about the monetary value of the gift but the idea behind it.

Many years after The 5 Love Languages was launched, numerous people have tried to add some more love languages. The best of those is cooking a meal because everyone understands the love and time it takes to make a complete meal. However, it works better if the person cooking is not the one who makes your daily meals.

So, what is your love language? Do you like gifts, physical touch, nice words, acts of service, or some quality time? You can take a quiz to find that out. Knowing which of these makes your partner feel loved can really help you connect better. Most of the time, people have two love languages that can be equally important.

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