Why Are Women Stigmatized For Not Wanting To Be Mothers?
Women who decide not to have children face internal and silent struggles, as well as the society that describe them as 'selfish' and 'incomplete'.
Why the women of our time don’t want to have children? The question is concise and direct, but the answer is in front of us: because today more than ever, the power of women's choice has taken on greater resonance, as well as the fight for the rights over their bodies and their relevance in society.
In the 1990s, a movement of women emerged in the United States who, out of desire and conviction, did not want to be mothers; soon they were known as NoMo women (No Mother), which recently took on relevance to dignify those women who are singled out by their decision.
With this background, psychology specialists pointed out that some determining factors for the new generation of women to decide not to have children are those that affect their standard of living: it is a decision that [also] has to do with purchasing power, they are more educated generations but who receive lower salaries.
The contraceptive revolution, sex education, health difficulties, as well as the difference in workload at home between couples with children, are other factors that women consider in their decision.
Specialists agree that the decision not to have children is a motive for “pointing out and stigmatization”, since considering that, in many countries, the figure of motherhood weighs on culture and it is assumed that it is a determining role in the life of women and most of those who do not "suffer in silence the guilt of not obeying society."
Non-motherhood is also a reason for gender violence. Women without children are singled out because of those social constructs disguised as tradition, for example, according to society, that “a woman will not be complete without a child. But that is not tradition, it is a social insertion”.
Is There a 'Maternal Instinct'?
Thus, there are studies that point to no evidence that women have an instinctive impulse to have children, but do support maternal responses to stimuli from the baby. Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, mothers are not prepared to take care of their kids, but they assume the process of constant learning and adaptation.
Within this process, some women also go through an invisible feeling: regret. According to psychology professionals, they point out that of course there are mothers who regret having children and who also suffer stigmatization for considering them "selfish," but it is a topic that almost no one wants to talk about.
This repentance is not equal to the absence of love towards children; it has to do with the circumstances in which motherhood occurs, for example, physical and emotional age: being a mother also requires emotional and spiritual maturity and knowledge about maternity.
Another factor that specialists consider an "internal struggle" has to do with the loss of individuality of women when they become mothers since culturally, they receive characteristics of a friend, protector, teacher, confidant, etc., but it is difficult to remind her as a woman, since before being a mother, and everything else, they are women and human beings.
Choice of Motherhood
Judging NoMo women is related to the conception that exists around the woman's body, which, since ancient times has been described as having to give life, a situation contrary to the man's body, whose identity is mostly defined with individuality.
Psychologists point out that, women have been socially educated and associated with the fact that their body is not theirs, but has been built for others. So, a woman who decides not to be a mother is contradicting the logic and social constructions, which have to be faced and in which it is necessary to work so that they are changed because they are susceptible to being modified.
According to the sociologist Orna Donath, who carried out the research 'Repentant mothers: A radical look at motherhood and its social fallacies', there are women who regret being mothers and would never say it out loud, even many find it difficult to accept it for themselves.
This research was carried out in Israel, the country of origin of Orna Donath, and one of the countries with the highest birth rates in the world, since on average each woman has three children.
In an interview for BBC World, the author indicated that the exact number of repentant mothers will not be known, because many will never confess that feeling.
Donath said that people raise us saying that motherhood is the essence of our life. In addition, they stigmatize those who express the desire not to want to have children. They treat them as selfish, crazy and say they are not real women.
In the book that consolidates her research, you can read the testimonies of repentant mothers between the ages of 26 and 73, belonging to all social classes.
The author affirms that these stories are not about incapable women, but are physically and emotionally healthy women who were pushed by society to exercise motherhood.
In addition, she explains that this repentance is an alarm signal that should invite to rethink and improve public policies of reproduction and socially accept that motherhood is not a mandatory role.
Deciding not to be a mother should not be a reason to be rejected, it is not a problem of self-esteem, much less a psychological problem, it is about the fact that women now have the opportunity to choose whether or not they want to dedicate their lives to caring for and raising a child or prioritizing their professional development. Both decisions are possible.
