Defensiveness is a common human behavior that many people display when they feel threatened or criticized. Defensiveness refers to "the quality of being anxious to challenge or avoid criticism", this is completely different than defending yourself. It is a reaction that we humans tend to have to protect ourslves from perceived harm or attack. This often resulting in a negative impact on our relationships, personal growth, and overall well-being. Sometimes it even results in unwanted drama. In this article, we'll explore why defensiveness is holding you back and offer some tips on how to overcome it.

The negative effects of defensiveness

Defensiveness can have serious negative effects on our lives. It can prevent us from seeing other people's perspectives, inhibit personal growth, and damage our relationships. When we become defensive, we close ourselves off to new ideas and feedback. This can lead to missed opportunities and a lack of personal growth. Think about the latest case of Brent Rivera, where he was approached by another Youtuber who asked him if he was faking his videos.

Tyler Oliveira claimed that Rivera had been faking videos. Rivera's response was defensive and passively aggresive, and he failed to address the issue in a constructive manner. Instead of acknowledging Oliveira's perspective and working to resolve the conflict, he became defensive and aggressive, which only served to escalate the situation. He continued on insulting him and escalating the situation at the hotel.

  1. Tyler was unnecessarily removed from the hotel they were staying at
  2. Brent has received a lot of negative backlash and lost a lot of followers
  3. The police had to get involved

Defending yourself is not bad, being defensive can be

Defending yourself is not inherently bad, and in fact, it can be a healthy and necessary part of setting boundaries and protecting yourself. The key is to distinguish between defending yourself and becoming defensive.

When we become defensive, we often become closed off to feedback and perspectives that challenge our own. On the other hand, defending yourself can involve setting healthy boundaries and standing up for yourself in a way that is assertive but not aggressive.

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Say it louder for the people in the back! So many people struggle with this. This made me think of the quote "listen without defending and speak without offending".
I can still remember that sometime in my working life, I did 'sensitivity training' with colleagues from the department where I worked at the time. That's where you learn how to deal with criticism, and that has helped me a lot. Others see you all the time (ALWAYS)!) different from how you see yourself.
What I find particularly important is that I always want to keep learning and developing as a person. So also be open to the things that are said to me in a respectful and loving way. And vice versa, act like that. And at the same time, I also have self-love... Show more
I also read the Dutch translation, such as @Rudy Siedlecki 🌳 and had a bit of the same impression, but this is due to the translation. Defensive driving in traffic, for example, is good. But going on the offensive doesn't help anyone.
@enigma yes defensiveness in English means:
    the quality of being anxious to challenge or avoid criticism.
Defensive means defensive. I'm guessing you mean aggressive or offensive. It's confusing to read that you shouldn't be defensive, but you should be defensive.
@Rudy Siedlecki 🌳 lost in translation I guess, i recommend reading the English version then :)
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