Mamaloetje

· 07 Jul 2021

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Worries about the pricks

She hasn't been so much in the last few days. She laughs, she plays, she walks, she builds, but when she sits still, she worries. She doesn't say it, but I can see it from her.
She's still coloring before bedtime. The tension is reading on her face, but when I walk by, she manages to squeeze out a smile.
“Hi mom,” she says with a little laugh on her toet.
“Hi sweetheart, would you like it if I color with you? Or maybe you want to talk or just cuddle?”
“I do want to cuddle,” she adds strength to her words by grabbing a pillow from her cot and putting it next to her. I give her a kiss on her crown and sit next to her.
“Come on, poppy..”
She tightly grabs me, she wraps her arms around me and puts her head on my chest.
“How are you, dear Laan?”
“It's going well though.”
“Thank you, poppie, for letting Casper so sweet again, that's really sweet of you.”
“Oh.hummm.., that's just..”
“No drollie, it's not just that you get out of your bed especially for Casper and then walk him out.”
“This morning it was five to seven, actually a little too early, but Casper didn't mind.”
“No, Cas certainly doesn't mind, he would like to walk all days. And I think you too..”
“Mom..?”
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Mom, I'm a little worried, but when I'm busy, don't.”
“I think it's a very handsome solution of you to go hiking or playing. But Laantje, you can always tell me anything, huh?? You should never forget that. You can tell anything, nothing's crazy or strange. Sometimes, dear Laan, air it up when you talk about it.”
“I hear you and dad talk about the groceries, everything has become so expensive. What if we can't run groceries later?? And that corona thing, I just don't like that anymore.. I want to live as bad as it used to be, but that's certainly never going to happen again..? Do we have to poke that too?? I don't want that one.! But if they say it does.? Then we won't have a choice anymore.. “
“Oh girl anyway.. What is your little ball going on.. I'm glad you told me, thank you so much for that.”
“I just don't want you to worry so much anymore. And I don't want Daddy to worry either..”
“Honey, mom and dad are always very open and honest with you. Maybe that's not always useful. As with the groceries, you don't have to worry about that.! It's all going to be fine, sweetheart, you have to rely on that - Mom does.”
“Mom?”
“Yes girl?”
“Are they going to oblige us to take those pricks?”
“I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that you and your brother and your sisters will not get pricks.”
“But if it has to?”
“Then we'll find another place where it doesn't have to. Though we have to go around the world!”
“Promise that?”
“Yes, I promise.”
I grab my prank extra tightly and she lets her tears run. I secretly cry with her.
“I feel a lot better now, Mom.”
“Happy, sweetheart. Shall we agree that when the weather is a little busy in your head, you're coming to me?? Then we can talk and quench together, just like now.”
“Ok. But can I still walk?”
“Of course you're allowed to walk! If you like it, I'll walk with you too.”
“Then we can look at the cows together. Or we can look at the flowers growing on the cactus. They are really beautiful.”
“We're going to do that tomorrow, promised.”
“Shall we color now?”
“Ok, do you have anything I can do?”
“You can help me with this record. And you don't have to be so careful, I just color outside the lines too.”
“If you keep doing that all the time - coloring outside the lines.” In mind, I add that I hope she will always live outside the lines too - but I'm not saying that out loud, for now it's good.

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