The Consequences Of Infidelity Go Beyond Pain
On the other hand, infidelity also damages the self-esteem of the person who has been betrayed, since this person often thinks that they have not been good enough for the other and that they have not been able to satisfy their expectations and needs. In many cases, these ideas lead to an intense feeling of guilt, so that the relationship is not the same again. Betrayal changes the way of perceiving the other and of understanding the relationship and, consequently, the feelings that are experienced.
However, despite the many negative effects that infidelity generates, there are people who prefer to focus on the positive qualities of their partner and manage to overcome this obstacle and even strengthen their relationship. And it is not a decision dictated exclusively by the heart, but in many cases, it has been carefully thought out and demands a great deal of commitment from both parties.
When To Forgive Infidelity?
One way or another, the most important thing is that you make this decision consciously and without feeling pressured by other people. It is essential that you connect with your feelings and determine what you really want.
Some aspects that you can consider when deciding if you are in a position to forgive infidelity are:
- The causes that motivated the infidelity: What deficiencies did your partner experience in your relationship? Is there a real possibility of meeting those needs? And, what is even more important: do you feel capable of filling these gaps despite the infidelity?
- The type of infidelity: Sometimes it is difficult to separate the emotional from the sexual, but there are people who say that purely sexual infidelity is not as painful as one in which there is some emotional involvement. How important has betrayal been to you?
- The damage that betrayal has caused: We all do not react in the same way to infidelity, there are people who can easily turn the page and others for whom it represents a trauma. How deep are your wounds? Do you think they could heal completely and continue loving your partner without reproach?
- The possibility of regaining trust in the partner: Will you be able to trust the person again or do you think you will assume a jealous and possessive attitude? Even if the relationship changes, will it continue to satisfy you?
- The commitment of both parties: Infidelity is a matter of two, so to leave this obstacle behind, it is essential that both commit. If one of the two does not try, the reconciliation is likely doomed to fail.
- Your feelings for the other person: Do you love the other person enough to forgive their infidelity and still love them? Do you think that their positive qualities and the experiences that you have lived together outweigh infidelity?
Even so, it is important to keep in mind that the fact of consciously forgiving infidelity is not a guarantee that the relationship will be recovered because many people simply cannot forget what happened and their wound opens again and again. When you forgive your partner but do not forget, the relationship ends up deteriorating and in the end, it breaks because the betrayed person uses infidelity as a throwing weapon, over and over again, at the slightest problem. Therefore, beyond the commitment, one of the keys to forgiving infidelity and getting ahead is to learn to forget.
How To Forgive Infidelity? Can It Be Forgotten?
On the other hand, forgiving and forgetting also imply changing our beliefs about infidelity. If you are one of those people who claimed that you would never forgive infidelity, it is likely that doing so makes you feel bad because you think you are going against your own values. In fact, many people believe that forgiveness is a sign of weakness and that it leaves the door open for future betrayals. If you think this way, in order to really leave the problem buried in the past, it is important that you change this perspective and consider that forgiveness is a show of love and a new opportunity for a relationship that still has a lot to offer as long as the love be present. You can always take your time.