Forgiving infidelity is something that many people do not consider, either because they believe that they would not be able to forgive or because their values are very clear, and infidelity does not enter their mental scheme as something admissible in a couple. But is it really impossible to forgive infidelity? Can infidelity be forgiven? Is it good to forgive infidelity or is it a mistake?

Most people think that the great consequence of infidelity is the pain it causes to the partner, but in reality, suffering is only the first link in the long chain of consequences. And it is that, after infidelity, trust in the other person and in the relationship tends to break down. There is also a restructuring of the image of the couple, the illusion that the other person is our perfect "better half" is irretrievably broken.

On the other hand, infidelity also damages the self-esteem of the person who has been betrayed, since this person often thinks that they have not been good enough for the other and that they have not been able to satisfy their expectations and needs. In many cases, these ideas lead to an intense feeling of guilt, so that the relationship is not the same again. Betrayal changes the way of perceiving the other and of understanding the relationship and, consequently, the feelings that are experienced.

However, despite the many negative effects that infidelity generates, there are people who prefer to focus on the positive qualities of their partner and manage to overcome this obstacle and even strengthen their relationship. And it is not a decision dictated exclusively by the heart, but in many cases, it has been carefully thought out and demands a great deal of commitment from both parties.

Most people say that they would not be willing to forgive infidelity under any circumstances, but the truth is that when feelings and many years of relationship mediate, their perspective usually changes or, at least, they lose their certainty. The moment the infidelity is discovered, family and friends advise them, there may be children involved or even financial commitments acquired as a couple that binds them.

One way or another, the most important thing is that you make this decision consciously and without feeling pressured by other people. It is essential that you connect with your feelings and determine what you really want.

Some aspects that you can consider when deciding if you are in a position to forgive infidelity are:

- The degree of infidelity: Was it a temporary dating or a lasting relationship over time? How do you feel about that? How likely is it that it will happen again if you forgive him/her?

- The causes that motivated the infidelity: What deficiencies did your partner experience in your relationship? Is there a real possibility of meeting those needs? And, what is even more important: do you feel capable of filling these gaps despite the infidelity?

- The type of infidelity: Sometimes it is difficult to separate the emotional from the sexual, but there are people who say that purely sexual infidelity is not as painful as one in which there is some emotional involvement. How important has betrayal been to you?

- The damage that betrayal has caused: We all do not react in the same way to infidelity, there are people who can easily turn the page and others for whom it represents a trauma. How deep are your wounds? Do you think they could heal completely and continue loving your partner without reproach?

- The possibility of regaining trust in the partner: Will you be able to trust the person again or do you think you will assume a jealous and possessive attitude? Even if the relationship changes, will it continue to satisfy you?

- The commitment of both parties: Infidelity is a matter of two, so to leave this obstacle behind, it is essential that both commit. If one of the two does not try, the reconciliation is likely doomed to fail.

- Your feelings for the other person: Do you love the other person enough to forgive their infidelity and still love them? Do you think that their positive qualities and the experiences that you have lived together outweigh infidelity?

Even so, it is important to keep in mind that the fact of consciously forgiving infidelity is not a guarantee that the relationship will be recovered because many people simply cannot forget what happened and their wound opens again and again. When you forgive your partner but do not forget, the relationship ends up deteriorating and in the end, it breaks because the betrayed person uses infidelity as a throwing weapon, over and over again, at the slightest problem. Therefore, beyond the commitment, one of the keys to forgiving infidelity and getting ahead is to learn to forget.

Anyone who has been betrayed by his/her partner knows that forgiving and forgetting is not easy, it is very common for the injured person to think that of "I forgive, but I do not forget", but when both parties propose it and continue to love each other, it is easier turn the page. Obviously, forgiveness and forgetfulness do not come from one day to the next, we cannot forgive and leave behind what happened because negative emotions, such as resentment and anger, are still on the surface. Therefore, it is recommended that you talk with your partner and tell him/her how you feel and, if necessary, that you go to couples therapy. A psychotherapist will help you to express your feelings and, above all, to redirect the relationship in order to make it more satisfactory for both of you, improving communication and restoring lost trust.

On the other hand, forgiving and forgetting also imply changing our beliefs about infidelity. If you are one of those people who claimed that you would never forgive infidelity, it is likely that doing so makes you feel bad because you think you are going against your own values. In fact, many people believe that forgiveness is a sign of weakness and that it leaves the door open for future betrayals. If you think this way, in order to really leave the problem buried in the past, it is important that you change this perspective and consider that forgiveness is a show of love and a new opportunity for a relationship that still has a lot to offer as long as the love be present. You can always take your time.

#relationship #love #infidelity #couple #psychology