This is one of the most important things I learned in therapy, namely: “why”!
Before a certain session I overslept. “Why? ” the therapist asked me. “Well, just because I didn't set the alarm right” “There's a reason for that,” he continued. “No!” I got a little irritated. . . And he uttered the phrase I never forgot:
“Human behavior is motivated behavior.”
And he's right. If you have overslept you there is an underlying cause. “I just swallowed myself” or “The alarm clock I did not hear”, his excuses. You also don't oversleep when your son or daughter you haven't seen for a year lands at Schiphol. The question is always, why?
When there are things on the stairs, they are often not just placed. It's a hint of your husband or wife, friend or girlfriend. It means you have to bring that stuff up! If you break a vase, it might be a very ugly one or you just had a fight. Accidents can happen, of course, but they don't always happen by accident, although you might consciously think of.
The subconscious is a sometimes a bit mean but honest thing. There's not much you can do about that, except to be aware of how this system works. If someone never visits you, he/she will probably claim not to have had time or forgotten.
Then you can safely ask the question: Why? You probably won't get an honest answer. But maybe the one just didn't feel like going to you. Again, human behavior is motivated behavior so it's good to go deep into yourself: Why? Everything a person says or does has a reason.
This applies even to your dreams or nightmares. If you dream that someone is getting killed, you can think that there is nothing you can do about it. “It wasn't me!” would you say. . . Okay, but who's dreaming? It is worthwhile to find out who it might be in the context of your dream. And you probably end up with someone you hate.
People never do anything. Actions of you or others have a purpose. So the next time you send someone a postcard and “forgot” to put a stamp on it, you might wonder if you really wanted to send them a postcard. . .
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