I notice my patience is becoming army. No one who suffers from it anymore, that is the positive news but I do notice that I have to get my scraper out of the closet more and more often to get under the pot. Some time ago I wrote a blog in which I expressed the expectation that people will learn in these coronation lessons but also that I expected that I would learn a lesson myself. This is what I wrote: “But I'm also going to learn a lesson. Because I like being alone. I love silence and no people around me. Yes, I understand that people find it strange that I went for a big family, but I exist from a lot of sides, and one side is that I love being alone. I think if those kids hadn't made it, I would have made a fine recluse. So I can also enjoy the hours that everyone is not here. In that time, I work, I clean, I arrange the things that need to be arranged, and when the kids drip in again, I'm there for them too. Ever originated when they were little, but that's stuck in my system. I am naturally chaotic, though I prefer to call it extremely flexible and with every child who joined me I cultivated the structure but deep down... chaotic (oh no, it was flexible). I will now have to learn to deal with my many sides without a moment of being alone. I think that is quite a challenge and I am grateful that the children know that I have this. Although they think it's funny, I think, and I wouldn't be surprised if they made bets for how long I'm going to make it. Without corona, I would not have this opportunity to learn this.” Now I have to confess that although I am still grateful, I have had moments over the past few weeks in which I crave to be alone but all in all things are still pretty good. I got it under control, say.

I closed that blog with: “So I do see opportunities for this time of uncertainties, fear and ambiguity. I'm trying to keep it small right now, close to myself. I don't think we can do anything else because we have to stay away from other people. Dear people, know that I am thinking of you. And I hope that everyone will seize the opportunity to go back to themselves so that we can come out again in some kind of renewed version and embrace everyone. We are the world and we need to heal the world. And I think if we want to change the world, we have to start with ourselves.” I must honestly admit that when I wrote that I really sincerely thought that people would turn in and look at themselves, using some self-knowledge and all the advantages and advantages would start working sincerely on themselves. I really thought that people would sweep at their own door and improve themselves so that they would come out later with an improved revamped version of themselves. But goodness!

Now that we're almost three months away, I think I was pretty naive in that assumption. And do I remember the remark of the cashier who I asked at the end of March/April if it was better to work for her now that only 15 people were allowed to be in the store at the same time? Her answer was: “It is quieter in the store indeed, but do me the crowds”. Surprised I asked why she said that and she continued with: “When the store was busy, the customers were kinder. Now many customers are really aggressive”. I thought that maybe this was because the measures had just started and people were still having to get used to the situation. Meanwhile we are a few weeks later and I sincerely think this has nothing to do with it.

It's like there's two kinds of people now. The nice people and the non-nice people. And these two are now being magnified by this crisis. It's either white or black and it looks like the gray surface has disappeared. Apparently, before the coronameasures, people could stilldoAs if they were nice now they don't seem to be able to do that anymore. And before the coronacrisis, the nice people may not always act now they step forward or out (no matter how you want to see it). And that scares me. And I find that I find it difficult to keep my patience with the non-nice people. Could people previously be unkind in a somewhat acceptable way now they seem to be going through life without a brake. “We do it together” apparently did not enter these people.

I wonder how it is possible that they have become this way. Is it because the social network has fallen away and these people no longer have to keep up appearances? Is it because of working at home, which means that they cannot now lose their “power” or arrogance in the workplace, so that they now freely spread it over the rest of the mob? Are they so spoiled that they cannot deal with themselves and with the restrictions they are now being imposed? Also the other side is now more visible I think. People who have always been nice and ready for others are now striking. The funny thing is that these people have always done so in the middle of the storm, without calling for attention, and I like the fact that these people are now becoming more visible and now receive the appreciation they deserve. I think the differences are getting very big between people and I find that I don't want to be patient for the first group.