Light up blue... letter to my baby boy.
#lightupblue
#autism
#differentnotless
You were five years old when you were diagnosed with ASD, after getting a lot of other labels. My beautiful, sweet little boy with blond golden hair.
Despite my pedagogical background, I was in shock. My first, total
absurd thought was that you could never blend into a book. inasmuch
people with autism would have no imagination and empathy.
Fortunately, now I know so much better.
My second thought was how the hell I was supposed to protect you from this harsh world where you get settled so quickly when you're not mainstream. and at the same time had to prepare.
Fortunately, I didn't know at that time that our whole world would be totally turned upside down. because then maybe I would be totally freaked out. But that's what happened anyway. First there was the divorce and your dad who wanted to co-parent, something you didn't understand (not then and not now) because you belonged to mom.
Throughout the whole thing, your sisters also decided to move back with their father. Something that was chopped into me so much that everything thundered to its foundations and whatever was a form of betrayal for you. it was YOUR sisters anyway.
In the midst of all that, we tried to hold our own and I tried to give you a voice in a world where you had to undergo everything.
AND THEN CAME CORONA.
Everything changed again. Suddenly, I had to explain to you about face masks and you were the only child in class while the rest was at home, because I worked in care and was therefore a priority. Luckily at that time we found a new love for mom LOL. yes we found him together because it just wasn't an option that he wouldn't accept you. But luckily he did, and you became best buddies.
So together we floundering through the pandemic, but you got older and everything started to weigh heavily. The changes week at week, the fact that you needed much more attention and stability than we could offer you, the stress level that threatened to become me too much,. so this summer came the moment I hoped would never come.
In consultation with your practitioners, it was decided that you would go internally during the week. With a lot of pain in the heart, I brought you away for the first time with your briefcase in September and although you liked it quite and exciting at first, there was that inevitable dip. It makes sense, but as a mom, you feel BAD.
You still don't really like it. That is to say, you do like it there. but you miss me too (and I hear you too). But you realize that it may not be the most fun, but it's the best. and I'm also comforting with that thought.
After all, there they offer everything where I sometimes fail as a mom. There you have the stability without a week at a very different situation (then with dad and then with mom). There you are also gently prepared for the big and sometimes angry world, which is not as understanding of sensitive souls like you.
There they can more easily stand by the rules, while very often in my love for you I want to make it as easy as possible for you (maybe also as a counterweight to your much stricter daddy),. but that I don't always enjoy you in the long run.
It's not ideal, but I really believe it's the best thing I can do for you right now so that you can do it all yourself later.
Anyway. I am super proud of my little superhero who has already collected so much and knows how to hold his own. Know that I'm always standing next to you anyway.
SO TODAY I PROUDLY LIGHT UP BLUE
For all children alike you, for all parents like myself, for everyone who is different. but therefore no less.
Your mom. the story witch,
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- Comments (10)
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enigma
2 years ago
Normal. what is that actually ? That's what I wonder sometimes. As a teacher, with decades of experience, I see more and more labels being glued to children. And also more and more children who have to stay in 'ordinary 'education', which certainly does not... Show moreNormal. what is that actually ? That's what I wonder sometimes. As a teacher, with decades of experience, I see more and more labels being glued to children. And also more and more children who have to stay in 'ordinary 'education', which certainly does not always benefit them. Sometimes you have to make choices in function of your child's future, as you have done now. And that takes courage and confidence that it will be okay.
1
Encaustichris
2 years ago
What a heartbreaking story! Children are always the brunt, and in your case another extra. I don't think your son could have wanted a better mother.!
1
Ingrid
2 years ago
Indeed: no one is more or less than another. A sweet candid letter, straight from the heart. I don't think you're failing as a mom.
1
the_doctormom
2 years ago
This is so heart touching,love the way you explained it in a lighter manner.You have taken a great and best step in his life to make him live independent in this world.Kudos to you dear
Niria
2 years ago
It is admirable to work with children, it is for those people who are very frightened, because children's problems are taken for them, most teachers are very affectionate with children.
Tatti Ps
2 years ago
What a beautiful writing from a mother who gave her everything so that he could fly only one condition does not mean that he is limited
Leo 1
2 years ago
Gosh, what an emotional story this is. It's like reading a writer's diary. But fortunately, there is also a positive end to the story, I read. Glad that your relationship clicks well and that your son gets along with his stepfather. That takes away the tension of everyday life a bit.
Ingeborgenzwerm
2 years ago
What a very beautiful letter, to a unique person, from a loving mother. Nothing more and nothing less.
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